Page 68 of In The Shadows

“After the shock wore off, they tried to fight back. It felt like Thalos was still in control of the shadows, demanding blood. But I couldn’t do it. I had the choice to allow the darkness to consume me, but I knew that once it did, there was no going back. The power was too raw, and I couldn’t control it. If I gave in, I would lose myself to the dark. Looking back, I should have done it,” I pause, letting regret wash over me.

“Instead, before releasing them, I agreed to do their bidding but added some terms of my own. I would follow their orders, allow them to wield my power as they wished, and help them increase their control over the realm, but they couldn’t hurt the ones I loved, including Theo. They agreed at first.”

“You agreed to all of that ... for Theo?” Nyx asks.

I look down at my hands. One day, I was fighting against Oren with every fiber of my being, and the next, I became part of the most destructive team in the realm—more and more blood covering my hands with each passing year.

“I thought if I kept my end of the deal, everyone I loved would be safe, but that’s not what happened. If I even passively defied any of Oren’s commands, he would open a portal into Theo’s chambers to prove a point. Leopold was always all too happy to offer to torture him as a lesson for me. They would invent infractions to remind me that they held the real powers and could end Theo’s life in an instant,” I reply.

“You let them use you for a Lux guard?” Nyx grumbles. “How could you have kept this from me for so long, Lily? Do you know how it feels to know you went through all of that without ever letting me know what was happening to you?” He points at his heart, and I know I’ve hurt it.

“I know,” is all I can say.

His jaw ticks. The pain in his eyes cuts through to my soul. He has put me back together for the past ten years. After every murder and torture Oren forced me to commit, he brought me back. Reminding me that there was still a bit of light in the darkness.

“You are good, Nata. Always remember that.”

“Wait, you said he doesn’t know who you are. If you’re Amari, how can he not remember you?” Nyx asks in sudden realization.

“Leopold gave an elixir to Theo and Princess Juniper shortly after Oren took me. It veiled their memories so they’d never be able to recognize me. They remember Lily and my death, but they can’t remember what I look like and have no idea I’m still alive and hidden in Umbra. I’ve tried figuring out what was in the elixir on my own but haven’t been able to. Now that Theo is here, away from Leopold, I want to speak with Loma about an antidote,” I answer.

“Let it be known,” Nyx declares, “that I think that is a very bad idea, but I will go with you, anyway.”

I reward him with a short-lived smile.

“Wait, you also said they accepted the deal ‘at first,’ what did you mean?” Nyx has started to put things together, and it appears his mind is racing.

“After the deal was made, I kept my power safely sealed within the well at my core. I practiced controlling it so that it would not consume me whole. At first, every time I cracked the lid, it would swarm out of me, trying to overtake me. It took me almost a year to wield my shadows properly. And that’s when the deal changed.”

“What do you mean, it changed?” Nyx asks apprehensively.

“I had started to fight back again and resist Oren’s commands. My shadows and I grew stronger with each passing day. I was becoming more confident in my abilities, and it threatened Oren and Leopold’s control over me. They worried I would use my skills against them. One afternoon, I was recovering from a brutal torture session, and Oren arrived to renegotiate our deal.” I shudder.

“Oren told me that if I refused or ever tried to use my power against him or Leopold, they would torture and kill anyone dear to me. That included Tobias ... and you. He only allowed our friendship to continue because he knew he could use it as leverage against me.”

Realization slowly dawns on Nyx’s face.

“This time, though, Oren had an ironclad insurance policy. Twin trove warning stones. The lore states that gods made stones that two mortals could exchange, and if one were murdered, the other stone would alert the partner and let them know who did it. If I tried to kill one of them, the other would know immediately and would take revenge before I could stop them. I had no other choice. My fate was sealed. I did their bidding and never turned against them to keep my loved ones safe.”

“Do you think Loma has a resurrection potion I could use? Because I’d like to bring Oren back just to torture him and let it be my blade that ends him versus the claws of a beast.” Nyx’s knuckles are white as he holds back his rage.

I lean over and pry his hand open. “If that were possible, you’d have to get in line.” I sit back in my chair, exhaustion starting to take hold.

“When did Asher become part of the deal?” Nyx asks.

“Not long after that. Oren decided Asher would take over on quests. The Umbra Brutus was more intimidating than me. Besides, Oren didn’t want anyone figuring out who I was, so it was an added layer of protection for him. He’d found a way to bind me forever to the darkness with no way of escaping. I allowed Asher to tap into my shadows, creating an unstoppable force. The torture became less frequent after Asher’s arrival. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I was relieved. As long as I didn’t speak and followed orders, I was safe. Asher kept me safe. It wasn’t until Oren died that I became the first to protect, and Asher became a last resort.”

We sit in silence for a moment, letting everything sink in. The hard truth of my past is not something I wanted to share. It feels nice finally telling someone, but these are supposed to be my burdens to carry, not Nyx’s.

“Any other secrets you’ve been hiding from me, Lily?” he asks with raised eyebrows.

I grimace, wrinkling my nose.

“Those secret quests I would go on every few months? I wasn’t always going to gather information on the other kingdoms,” I confess.

He stares at me in disbelief. He wants the truth, so that’s what I will give him.

His mouth falls open as the pieces fall into place. “Lily, please don’t tell me you were going to see Theo,” he pleads.

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