Page 58 of Mortgage of Convenience

I pinch my lips. It shouldn’t be so hard to admit whathappened, especially to my best friend, but being honest is what got me in this mess, so baby steps.

Morgan: then don’t. Tap that while you can. Lord knows you need it

Morgan: be glad your landlord is hot. Some of us are stuck working a million hours to pay rent. If I have to suffer through one more meeting I’m going to scream

Morgan: hows the book going?

This, at least, I’ve made progress on.

Bee: all right so far. I think there’s a lot in the beginning that needs to get shuffled around, and the middle is flat, so I have to work out what needs to change

Morgan: at least you have the time to fix it

I wait a few minutes, but that’s it. Again, I can’t help but want more. With my previous projects, there was always someone to collaborate with, and I missed being able to bounce ideas off others. While Sebastian might have been an option yesterday, now the kiss is too much of a distraction.

Which is why I’m incredibly relieved when Cassie responds to my text with a call, opening with “come on, there’s a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop five minutes from my place. They do an incredible chai.”

A closet is a more apt descriptor, barely more than a register and a coffee machine, but we manage to squeeze in at a bar table and seats for two, which Cassie commandeers with the natural authority of a general. From the wave the owner sends our way, this isn’t unusual practice for her.

I’m in love immediately. I have to bring Sebastian here. There are hanging plants in the shop, as well as a ton ofantiques. Cassie points to a sign that reads Donations Welcome and talks about how the neighborhood is very generous.

“Hank started it,” Cassie informs me as our drinks are placed in front of us.

“My wife,” Alice, the owner, clarifies, waving to the decor. The significance of the name is not lost on me. “It’s how they express themselves. Some days they’re Hannah; some days they’re Hank. But they’re always the love of my life.” Alice gently pats the leaves of the hanging vine beside the coffee machine, reminding me so much of Sebastian I can’t hold back a smile. “They’re also responsible for the nursery vibes.”

Cassie hovers over her cup, humming in delight. “They run Beautiful Botanics, on Norfolk.”

“It looks lovely,” I say. “My…” I trip over what to call him. “Uh, roommate, recently discovered his green thumb. I’m half expecting to come home and find our kitchen looks like this soon.”

“Yeah, they multiply fast. Send him over to Hank. They’ll sort him out.”

My god, the chai is heavenly.

It calms me in a way I used to turn to alcohol for. Before I stopped enjoying how disconnected it makes me feel. Most people like the relaxation, but I don’t. It feels less like peace and more like running in a dream—I want to move, but I don’t have total control over my body. Booze takes my restlessness and turns it up to fifteen,makes it impossible to slow down and think, harder to do anything other than exist in a haze. I hate it, and I think I always have. I’ve just never said anything, because it’s not what we do. Drinking is everything, is everywhere. Sunday fundays and happy hours and morning mimosas.

Halfway through my tea, I turn to Cassie. “So…” I start, gearing myself up. I can do this. “About my work.”

“It’s a secret study you’re doing to help assimilate artificial intelligence into humanity,” Cassie guesses.

Suddenly, I’m giggling so much I have to put my cup down. “No.”

“I’ve been put on a watch list, and you’re from a shadowy government organization, winning my trust so you can recruit me.”

My shoulders are shaking. “No.”

She almost looks disappointed. “Damn, I was hoping for that one. Okay. Tell me, what is it?”

Blissfully, her joking worked, and whatever buildup I imagined before has disappeared. The truth comes easy. “I’m actually working on a novel. My first.”

Her eyes widen and she leans closer. “Tell me everything.”

So I do. It’s easier the second time around, with the memory of Sebastian’s encouragement warming the edges of my mind, the soft look in his eyes that makes my heart go a little gooey.

“You know I have to read it now, don’t you?”

I flush. It’s what I expected she’d say, but it’s still scary to do. “It’ll be rough.”

“That’s okay.”

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