Page 135 of Only You

Some might call it pornographic, but it was too beautiful for that.

I took one photo with me back to the bed, holding it as I contemplated my mother’s assessment.

If the last year had taught me anything, it was that truth was more important than other people’s opinions. And the truth was Daniel didthisto me, he made me come undone, and afterward he made me dinner and told me he loved me and was, without a doubt, faithful and devoted.

I trusted him with my heart and my soul. That was something I’d never had with Adam.

Rolling onto my back, I stared up at my ceiling and let myself wonder, for just one moment, where Adam was and what he was doing, how he was feeling, and then I let him go again.

It didn’t matter. I was here without him, and I was glad to be. I had my Robin, my George. My Daniel.

I got out of bed, pulled out a sheet of paper, and began to write a letter to Harold. When I was done, I sealed it into a plain white envelope and wrote out the address I’d uncovered during some downtime in the library the week before. My writing was neat. My hand and heart steady. The next morning, I stuck a stamp on an envelope, and shoved it into the mailbox alongside a letter from Mom to her editor.

Time would tell what would come of it. For now, I was satisfied I’d done my part.

Chapter Twenty-Six

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The Slide wasevery bit as gay and glorious as it had been when we’d first seen it over the summer. But now Renée was a headline act, and we, as her friends, were being treated like VIPs.

The theme for the night wasCostume Party–Halloween 1991.The holiday had technically been the day before, but partying on a Friday was always preferable. Daniel was dressed as the song “Smooth Criminal,” wearing a cream-colored suit found at Repeat After Me, a matching tie and fedora found in his father’s old things, and a blue button-up. On the back of the suit jacket, I’d sewn the lyrics “Annie, Are You Okay?” in silver sequins, the skills I’d acquired by working for Robert/Renée coming in handy for once.

I was dressed as Andy Warhol. I’d put white hair spray in my hair—which just made me look gray—used my mom’s dark eye makeup to make my cheeks look hollower, kept on my glasses, and wore a cream-colored turtleneck over black jeans. Most people seemed to think I was a yuppie ghost, but I didn’t mind.

As for the gang, Antonio was dressed as a surgeon, in a cap and scrubs he’d borrowed from his older brother. Windy was dressed in a skeleton suit, and Barry wore his old cruise-ship uniform with a captain’s hat.

Minty was there, too, and in surprisingly good spirits. The best mood I’d seen him in since before his diagnosis. He was dressed as Raggedy Ann, which surprised me since he so often enjoyed looking pretty. But with a red yarn wig and a homespun dress, he looked cute instead. A lot of the guys seemed to want to shake him like a rag doll, too, but, in another oddity, he wasn’t even trying to pick up anyone. He stuck with me and Daniel when he wasn’t dancing with Antonio or Windy.

Daniel and I were happy to have him around, but we were too caught up in each other to be the best company. Dancing together, kissing, surrounded by other queer men, it was wonderful. No tension existed between us. We didn’t need to hold back. I wasn’t fighting my feelings. He wasn’t keeping me at arm’s length. We were in love, and everyone around us knew it.

We’d arrived later than everyone else, so we hadn’t seen Robert or Renée before the show. I’d heard she’d made a few changes, and I couldn’t wait to see what they were.

When the time came for Renée’s act, Barry sought us all out and brought us to a table near the stage. We were going to be up close and personal with Renée’s shaking ass. In the few minutes we had left, Daniel fetched beers for us both, and as the music began, we took each other’s hands, ready to be dazzled.

Renée looked amazing in her shimmering, silky dress for the opening number. As always, I marveled at the way she managed to make everything look so smooth and her chest seem so natural. Her crowd work had always been good, but it’d gotten even better, and soon she had everyone dancing, stuffing dollars into her bosom, and calling out adoration for her.

Then the chair came out.

Whistles and screams erupted.

The Naughty Boy routine. I turned to Minty, expecting him to climb onto the stage. He generally loved being the naughty boy for Renée. But he stayed still, sipping his non-alcoholic ginger beer.

“Tonight, my babies, I have some very special guests in attendance.”

Applause broke out like that was the most fantastic news they’d heard all night.

“And one of those guests is going to be my naughty boy.” She grinned. “Or at least I hope he is.”

I looked around the table. Was it Windy? Surely it wasn’t Daniel? Barry, maybe? Though I’d never known him to participate in one of Renée’s performances.

“My very own Sweetie. Peter, come on up.”

I choked on my beer. Daniel patted me on the back. I shook my head and slashed at my neck. What was she up to?

“Peter! Peter! Peter!” the crowd shouted, whistling and stomping the more I delayed.

“If you don’t want to go up, you don’t have to,” Daniel shouted in my ear over the ruckus. “I don’t know what she’s playing at.”

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