Page 157 of Only You

I took a steadying breath. “I mean that youthinkyou love me.” Milky Way whined. “You love me the way you knowhowto love. But that doesn’t matter, Adam, because I don’t love you.” I shoved against him, surprising him enough that he lost his footing. I ran toward the front porch. I hoped the door wasn’t locked. My parents were fifty-fifty on locking it, and I hoped beyond hope that tonight was one of the times they’d forgotten.

“Peter,” he said, grabbing the back of my coat and hauling me toward him. “We need to talk.”

“Adam, no.” I yanked free of his grasp. “I don’t love you. I have a boyfriend. Don’t touch me again.”

He raised his hands as if in surrender, but I needed to make it clear. “If you touch me again, I’ll tell everyone—everyone—including your parents, what you and I did. I’ll publish it in the paper. I’ll scream it every time I run into someone from Kingsley on campus.”

“No, you won’t.”

“What makes you think I wouldn’t?”

“Because it would hurt Leslie even more, and she’s the victim in all of this. You and me, we made her the dupe.”

“Adam,” I growled. “Go home.”

He stepped away from me, shoving his hands into his pockets, and that’s when I realized he wasn’t wearing a coat, just a button-up open over a black T-shirt and some jeans. “You need some time to process this. I’m here for Christmas, and you can come over to my house anytime.”

“I won’t be coming over, Adam. And you won’t be coming back here either,” I said, stepping quickly toward the front door. “Stay away from me. All you’ve ever done is hurt me and ruin my life.”

He stared at me as I wrenched the door open—it was unlocked, thank God. Darting inside, I shut and locked it behind me, panting like Milky Way. I half expected him to start banging on the door with his fists.

But he didn’t.

Silence descended, and I realized my folks weren’t home. They’d left the front door unlocked while they’d gone out. That was so dangerously like them. I put Milky Way down, but she didn’t stop cowering at my feet.

I glanced at the clock over the living room mantel and realized it was well past her dinner time. At that same moment, I remembered her bag of food was out in the car. There was no way I was going back out there tonight to get it. What if Adam hadn’t gone home? What if he was out there waiting?

I went around the downstairs closing the blinds and pulling the curtains to keep any spying eyes from watching me. Then I went to the kitchen, checked that the back door was locked, and pondered what to do for Milky Way. There were some cans of Harry’s dog food in the pantry. They weren’t expired yet. I put some in a bowl for her, and she ate it with gusto, happy now that she’d been fed.

When I let her out back to do her business, I stood in the door, shaking from both the cold and anxiety. What if Adam was out there? What if he shoved his way inside? What if he wanted to do more than talk to me? My stomach twisted. I felt dizzy and nauseous. “Hurry up,” I called to Milky Way. “Come on, girl.”

She finally trotted back inside, oblivious to how scared I was. I took her up to my room, locked my bedroom door, put on pajamas, and cuddled with her on the bed. The whole while my heart hammered, and my head whirled.

I chose you.

I chose you.

I chose you.

I groaned and pulled the pillow over my head, trying to settle enough to go to sleep. But when I did, I dreamed that Adam and I were back together. We were at a beach resort, drinking champagne, and I toasted him, saying, “I love you, and I’m so grateful you chose me.”

And Adam replied, “Eater, don’t you get it? I’ll always choose you.”

I woke up in a sick sweat.

***

The next morning,I took Milky Way downstairs and introduced her to Mom and Dad over breakfast. As I’d suspected, she was a hit, and by noon my dad had taken her into his office and stolen her affections forever.

I didn’t mention Adam’s visit to them. I should have. I knew that. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell them I was feeling threatened by a boy I’d once loved. As far as they knew, Adam had stopped calling me a few months ago and had moved on with his life. Given my mother’s stance that Daniel was too “dull” compared to Adam, I suspected that, despite how things had ended, and how angry she’d been that first night when I got back from Atlanta, she’d always held a place for him in her heart.

Given my dream from the night before, I seemed to hold a place for him, too. It was disturbing and frustrating to be so betrayed by my own sleeping mind. Since Dad had Milky Way under control, and Mom was working on making a countess fall in love with a baker’s son, I grabbed my Leica and headed out into the grim day.

Drizzle slapped my windshield as I drove, looking for the right place to take pictures. I wanted to match my mood to the scenery, needing to process my feelings on film. The quarry was a great location. The water, blue and perfect on a summer’s day, looked as gray as the rocks and clouds ahead.

I took some nature shots and then set my camera up on a rock, stripped my shirt, and posed with my hands over my face, my shoulders hunched, my spine bowed. I was on the fifth or sixth equally miserable pose when I stopped.

I was doing it.

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