Page 43 of Only You

“Not worried about crumbs, huh?” I asked, as I kicked my shoes off and crawled up next to him on the bed, sitting with my back against the extra pillow.

He tossed me a cookie. I caught it and took a bite.

I was transported to the last time I’d eaten Chips Ahoy. I’d been with Adam, studying at his house, and we’d eaten an entire bag of them before we’d played a game involving blow jobs and tickling.

I looked at the cookie. I didn’t want to eat it anymore.

“Okay?” Daniel asked.

I cleared my throat. “The last time I ate Chips Ahoy, I was with Adam.”

“Oh.”

Saying those words, seemed to suck the air out of the room. “Sorry.” I wiped a hand over my face. “I shouldn’t have brought him up.”

A beat passed before Daniel reached out to me. I handed him the half-eaten cookie, and he put it on the bedside table. “I wanted to hold your hand, not the cookie.”

“Oh. Sorry.” I let him take my hand in his, and he twined our fingers together. The heat of his palm against mine was reassuring.

“Don’t apologize. He was a big part of your life. You aren’t going to be able to just never think about him again.”

But that was exactly what Iwantedto do.

“When we’re together, I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk about him.”

I sighed. “What could I even tell you about him that you haven’t already guessed?”

“I don’t know. What was his home life like?”

Oh, so we reallyweregoing to talk about him? I was surprised. I’d sort of thought we’d come up to Daniel’s room so we could make out some more. But he was waiting for an answer, so… “Um, well, he has a big family too. Like you. Well, bigger than mine.”

Daniel smiled. “That’s not hard.”

“Yeah. He has an older brother and a twin sister.” I reached out for another cookie and Daniel handed one over. The taste wasn’t as disturbing this time. “He and his sister used to fight a lot. Sometimes things got crazy with slamming doors and screaming. Once he searched her entire room looking for the pot she’d stolen from him. She’d stuffed it into one of her boots.”

“Oh, yeah?” Daniel munched another cookie.

“Adam liked to smoke up. I did it once with him and hated it. I haven’t done it since.”

“Pot isn’t my thing either,” Daniel said. “I don’t like anything more than a drink or two. I’m okay with feeling a little loose from alcohol, but I don’t like gettingdrunk,and I hate even the idea of how other substances might make me feel.”

“Because of your mom?”

“Yeah. When you live with someone who can’t control themselves when it comes to stuff like that, you have a choice to make—mimic them or be nothing like them.” Daniel popped the remaining half of a cookie in his mouth. After he’d chewed and swallowed, he added, “My dad used to tell me not to even start drinking because alcoholism is in my genes, but I figured out fast that being drunk wasn’t for me.”

“I like having a drink, but it turns out I puke easily, so I don’t drink very much.”

“I remember,” Daniel said, laughing. “Barry’s shoes remember, too.”

“Well, I like to earn my nicknames.”

I flashed back to Antonio and Minty calling me Heartbreaker. That wasn’t a nickname I was glad to have earned. But maybe, since I was here with Daniel now, and my mouth was still tingling from our kiss by the lake, I could un-earn it.

“Do you miss him?” Daniel asked, sounding guarded, like he was protecting his heart. I didn’t have to lie when I answered.

“I really don’t. I mean, there are things about him that I still have feelings about, sad, mixed-up feelings, but that’s not the same as missing him. The thing is, I realize now, Adam and I were always impossible.”

“Impossible. What a word.”

---