Page 80 of Only You

But once I did, my soaring heart plummeted. Adrenaline hit my veins, and a roiling sickness started in my gut. Squinting, I recognized Adam in the driver’s seat. The passenger and back seats seemed to be empty. I couldn’t make out his expression because he was squinting into the sunset, too. He drove fast enough to be right up on my bumper, aggression in every lane switch and curve. If I slammed on my brakes, he’d hit me.

Violent anger twisted inside. Jamming my foot on the gas, I got some space between us. Was he trying to scare me? It wasn’t working.

That was a lie.

He wasn’t even close enough to touch me, but Adam already had me reverting back to lies.

I pulled off at the Lawnville exit and swung into the parking lot of a brick Baptist church. Adam pulled in right behind. I parked in the middle of four empty spaces, near the back of the lot, before getting out and slamming my door hard.

Adam was out almost as quickly. He smoothed out his dark sweater and then hooked his thumbs into his dark jeans, leaning against his car’s hood. The white spire of the church cast a shadow between us. I’d have thought he looked handsome, despite how much I hated him now, if he didn’t look so sick.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I yelled. I hoped he didn’t notice I was shaking. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d frightened me.

Adam lifted his hands as if in surrender. “I just want to talk to you.” He made it sound reasonable, but his voice was trembling, too. “You won’t take my phone calls.”

“Because I don’t want to talk to you!”

He sighed, as if I were being unfair. “We have to work this out, Peter. Face-to-face. You and me. It’s the only way.”

I laughed in shock. “There’snothingto work out, Adam. Nothing at all. We’re over. Done. Finished.”

He shook his head. “No. You love me.”

“Not anymore.”

He laughed, disbelieving and delusional. “That’s impossible.” His hair shone reddish in the orange light of sunset. His dark eyes looked deeper-set than usual, and his cheeks were sunken, as if he’d lost weight.

“Are you sick?” I asked, sudden fear gripping me.

“No.” He tilted his head in confusion.

“You look horrible.”

“Because I’m sick, yes,” he said, catching on to the term because it’d made me go soft for a moment. I toughened up. “I miss you like a sickness. Please. I need you.”

I let out a huff. “No. I’m not having this conversation with you. We’re done.”

He shook his head and repeated more desperately, “That’s not possible. We can’t just bedone.”

It was my turn to shake my head. “We can. All I felt for you is dead. You killed it.” My throat felt tight, and my eyes were hot. It wasn’t entirely true. I’d felt something when I thought he might be ill, when I thought he might… But it wasn’t enough. What I’d felt at that moment wasn’t nearly enough.

But Adam wasn’t getting it. He took a step toward me, and I backed up until I was pressed against my car. There were still several yards of space between us, but I didn’t feel safe near him. “You want me to break up with Leslie?” His voice was the usual mix of pleading and determined. Like I was asking something very unfair of him. “You’ve always wanted that. If I did that for you? If I cut out that piece of my heart? Would you come back to me then?”

If I’d been scared before, now utter rage roared up from my feet. I almost growled as I gritted out, “No.”

“No?” How could he still sound so surprised? Why was this so hard to believe? After all he’d done to me, and all he’d convinced me to do?

“I don’t love you, Adam.”

His face twisted. “That’s a lie.”

“It’s not.” I was surprised by how calm I sounded now. Like I was talking to a child. “You need to accept it. Don’t follow me. It’s stalking. It’s sick. And it won’t make me love you again.”

He reached out his hands. “Please. I love you so much.” His voice wavered as he stepped toward me again.

“Stop.”

Surprisingly, he did. Standing there helpless looking, he went on, “I love youbothso much,” he amended. “Why can’t you understand that? Why is that wrong? It doesn’tfeelwrong to me. I love her, and I love you, and I just want to keep you both forever. Why can’t I? Why won’t you let me?”

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