Page 114 of One More Time

“What?” she asks, her eyebrow raised.

“I need to talk to you.”

Her eyebrows meet. “Right now? I’m in the middle of making dinner.”

“Yeah, well, it’s important.”

Her face pales and she nods, shutting off the burner and following me into the other room. When we’re finally alone, sans Charlie who is tugging at my ear, I try and find the courage, try to find thewilltotellher.

“What is it? Are you okay? It’s not cancer is it?”

Her words hold a touch of panic so I just shake my head, trying to reassure her. “No. I’m fine. Really healthy. Healthy as a horse.”

“Well, then what is it? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong…I just…I don’t want you to hate me which is why I’m having a hard time telling you this. And god, I don’t want to lose access to these kids.”

“What in the world?”

“Promise me you won’t keep me from them. I love them so goddamn much.”

She frowns at the desperation leaking through my voice and leans in slightly. “Did you murder someone? If so, I can help you as much as I can, but I do have the kids to think about. I’m sure they’d allow visitation.”

I let out a loud laugh, startling Charlie, who starts to cry.

I console him the best I can, distracting him with the overhead fan and when he’s happy once more, I sigh. “No, Hayden. No, nothing like that. Though I appreciate the offer. I just…Alec and I…we’retogether.”

That last whispered word settles between us and Hayden frowns.

“That’s it? Geez, Jude, I thought you were a criminal!”

I gape at her, so confused. I’d expected something else, something mean, but she just looks relieved.

“Yeah, that’s it. I’m, well, I’m gay.”

She places her hands on her hips and scowls at me. “Well, that’s fine. I’m just glad you’re not dying or going to jail for murder.”

I let out a mortified laugh once more, and she sighs. “I don’t understand being gay, and I honestly don’t really condone it, but you’re my brother. I raised you. What did you expect me to do? Hate you?”

My eyes start to sting, just pinpricks of tears threatening to spill.

“I guess?” I finally squeak.

“Well, I won’t. I gave up too much of my life to hate you. I might not be the best sister, but I do love you. Even if you do like men.”

I swipe at my cheeks, Charlie’s countenance changing when he sees me crying. It’s almost like he can feel the relief, the sadness, the guilt. I force a smile on my face, it wobbles and shakes, and Hayden sighs.

“Come here. Give me a hug and then we can forget we ever had this conversation and move on.”

I walk into her arms and she squeezes me, just once and just for a second before pulling away.

“Are you serious about Alec? Is he a good man?” she asks after a moment of contemplation.

“Yeah, he’s the best.”

“Well, then good. I’m glad. As long as he’s not a jerk, I can tolerate him.”

“Just as well as you tolerate anyone?” I ask, and she smiles softly, a grin that makes her look so young.

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