Page 102 of If You Dare

My eyes burn as the tears build up anew. “I tried telling you. I told you I shouldn’t stay on campus. Now Wes hates me more than he already did, and everywhere I look, everywhere I go, I’m reminded of Chloe. I know you blame me for killing her and ruining our lives. That’s fine. You can punish me and treat me like shit forever. But my best friend is dead and if I want to lay in bed for three days and finally take time to mourn her, that’s what I’m going to fucking do. And I’m not going to let you or Wes or anybody stop me.”

I can’t believe I just said all that. The words poured out of me unbidden. But I don’t regret a single syllable. All of it what I’ve been longing to say to her for months.

Mom’s face falls. I miss how close we used to be. Ending Chloe’s life meant ending the relationship with my mother as I knew it too.

We sit in silence for a few moments until she turns to Aneesa. “Would you mind giving me and my daughter a few minutes?”

Aneesa nods quickly and scrambles out of the room, grateful for an excuse to escape. The door quietly clicks shut behind her.

Mom clasps her hands together tight in her lap. “I...I don’t know what to say, Violet,” she starts. “You’re right. I’ve been punishing you for what you did. The legal fees, the judgment from colleagues and the community, the strain between us and the Novaks...I’ve been taking it all out on you. That was wrong of me.” She reaches for my hand, a lump sticking in my throat. She used to hug me every time she saw me, but I can’t remember the last time she touched me. “You were affected by losing your best friend too, and I’m sorry I didn’t support you more through that.”

“It’s been awful,” I whisper, my voice hoarse. “Especially having to mourn her alone.”

For a little while, I had Wes. But just as soon as we’d found our way back to each other, I lost him again.

Mom scoots closer, running her fingers through my hair. “I am so sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry I’ve let you carry this huge burden on your own.”

Even though I assumed I was all cried out, more tears hit my pillow. “I thought I could finally talk to Wes about it. But he hates me again.”

She shakes her head, somehow adamant. “He doesn’t hate you, honey,” Mom soothes. “He’s hurting. And he’s carrying his own guilt over that night.”

I prop myself up on my elbow. “What guilt could he have?”

“He was her big brother. He was supposed to protect her and he couldn’t.”

I shake my head quickly. “That’s not his fault. He couldn’t have done anything.”

“Exactly. But that’s not how he feels. He only seems to hate you because he hates himself, and he’s taking it out on you—the most obvious target. He was there, and he didn’t get to her in time. I’m sure you can understand how heavy a burden that is to bear.”

I’m not sure how to process Mom’s words. I never considered that Wes may feel any amount of guilt about that night. “So you think Wes was just lashing out at me?”

She presses her lips together. “I’m sure he was very upset with you for your role. But he knows it was an accident. He knows there’s a reason the judge gave you a not-guilty verdict. But Wes is certainly struggling with his own inner demons. A battle I would wager he’s losing.”

If she’s right, I wish I’d heard the admission from Wes himself. Wish he’d been willing to open up to me about his darkest feelings eating away at him.

I would’ve told him it wasn’t his fault. That he has no reason to feel guilty. Even if he never wants anything to do with me again, someday I’ll tell him.

Mom squeezes my hand. “And Violet? The same is true for you. What happened was a horrible, tragic accident. But it wasn’t your fault.”

I throw my arms around Mom and sob into her shoulder. The words I’ve been needing to hear since that night.

Chapter34

Before

Wes

Make your move tonight.

The rum’salready got me a little lightheaded, so the text from Chloe doesn’t compute right away.

I text her back.

Thought you didn’t want us together.

Quit playing dumb. We both know you two are perfect for each other.

I can’t help it—I grin at my phone. Not sure how perfect I am for her, but Violet does seem pretty fucking perfect for me.

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