Page 31 of H E R

I gasp. “That’s mine.”

He shakes his head. “Nope,” he says, popping the P. He returns the money to its spot and goosebumps cover me.

His fingers trail down my waist, drawing slow circles over my stomach, and then down to my thigh. The action brands me, claiming me. A low growl escapes his throat, and he leans in. He licks his full lips, and I want to bite them, draw blood and scar his lip. Claiming him the way he unknowingly has me.

Suddenly, Noah’s face appears in my thoughts, and a pang of guilt physically knocks me back. I press my hand hard on Dylan’s chest and lean away.

“I have a boyfriend, Detective.” It comes out all breathy.

Dylan nods and leans back. “And where was he tonight?”

I lift one of my pumps and place the heel of it on his chest and gently push him further away. “That’snone of your business. Goodnight.”

He lifts up his hands as if surrendering and chuckles. He takes another step back and I move away from him quickly.

“Goodnight, Niki.”

I take my walk of shame barefoot, and I don’t have to look back to know he’s waiting for me to go inside and lock my door. He won’t leave unless I’m in the damn trailer. I want to turn around and chuck my shoe at him. I hate how he makes me feel. But I stay looking forward, unlock my door, and close it gently behind me.

The following two days are fucking miserable. When I’d gotten home, Jule was thankfully still asleep. Jasmin and I decided it was best if we didn’t tell him anything. She’d been pacing when I came in and wanted to dissect the entire thing. But I relented. If I gave Dylan a spotlight, he would complete the invisible race to wholly own me. I wouldn’t allow him to occupy my thoughts. Not while I still had a semblance of control. For a reason I still didn’t want to understand, I would lose the battle while near him, or in my dreams.

Nights were the worst. My nightmares imagined Noah grappling to keep me in his arms while a sticky blackness coated me, and I would tumble in suffocating waves of tar until landing in Dylan’s waiting arms. During the day, if I wasn’t staring into space, I was twitching like a fool. I hadn’t gone out to scour for information–I worked my hours at the club, munched on scraps, and slept.

“Hey, you’re like the walking dead. What the hell is going on, Nik?”

“What?”

Jule takes a seat next to me on the small bed. “You look like shit, you don’t sleep, you don’t eat. Seriously, I’m beginning to worry here.”

Jasmin muffles her laughter and my brother’s eyebrows shoot up, suspicious. “Okay, what’s going on?”

“Your sister is drowning between two very desirable islands.”

I stretch my legs out on the bed and glare at her.

She shrugs, and when Jule turns to inspect me, she mouths,it’s true.The witch, I’ll get her back somehow.

“I don’t understand. Are we going on vacation?”

Jasmin bursts into a fit of laughter and snorts. I shoot daggers from my eyes and aim them at her. She lifts up her hands as if surrendering, but doesn’t stop laughing.

“Whatever. I’m going to take a shower.” Jule stands and tosses a towel over his shoulder.

Once he’s in the bathroom, my eyes collide with Jasmin’s. I have enough dealing with my very own inner turmoil and self-reproach. I don’t need her reminding me of the chaos.

I slip on my old Converse. “I’m going out.” I reach for my old and worn leather jacket, my ever equipped bag, and shut the door on my way out.

I shouldn’t direct my anger toward her, but she definitely isn’t helping. It feels like she’s enjoying the view of me writhing between my emotions for two very different men.

It’s easy being Noah’s girlfriend, and my feelings for Dylan are overwhelming. Noah and I are connected by years of friendship and memories, and I don’t know who the fuck Dylan really is. All I know is that my body reacts to him involuntarily.

It’s as if he owns me and I’m being lent to someone else. It’s a horrible thought, but that’s exactly how it feels. The idea of belonging toanyonemakes my insides turn. But when I picture Dylan’s muscular tattooed arms wrapped around me, it feels right.

I’m so fucked.

I want these feelings to go away. Being with Noah feels easy, and it flows in a pleasant way. Even though my body and heart fight it. He’s my friend.

I feel horrible about how we left things before his work trip. He’ll be gone for three weeks and I never even said goodbye. I was too pissed off at him for being … what? Jealous? He was acting like a boyfriend and I responded by behaving like a fucking harlot. A single one, at that.

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