Page 18 of Dirty Dare

The place he picked is a few towns away, situated on a lake with three walls of windows giving every seat in the dining room an open-air feel and spectacular view. He asks if I’m a “wine guy” and has the waiter help pick out something that will go with our meals.

It’s comfortable. Like there’s this crazy sense of ease that shouldn’t be between us after all this time, with how things ended and the way our lives have moved on since. But I can’t remember a conversation ever coming so easily or flowing so naturally from one topic to the next.

And damn, laughing with this man is something else.

He’s beautiful to me. And I’m torn between never wanting this dinner to end and pretty desperately wanting to see where it goes next.

I’ve been on my share of dates. First dates and dates that have happened well into a relationship. But it’s never felt like this.

Setting down my silverware, I watch as Trevor wipes his mouth and sets his napkin aside. Something so mundane as using a napkin shouldn’t be sexy, but… so sexy.

“Thank you for asking me out tonight.”

He nods, looking adorably pleased. “I’m glad I did. And hey, four years later, pretty sure this place is way nicer than anything I would have come up with the first time around.”

“I’m serious. When you came by Outfitters this morning, there was a part of me that wondered if maybe you came back because you thought I was still in the closet. And that if anything happened, you wouldn’t have to worry about it getting out.”

He jerks back. “What? No. Cam, I—” He shakes his head and tries again. “I don’t know what I thought would happen with you. I— yeah, I wanted to see you. But I was pretty sure you’d be actively avoiding me the whole time I was here. And if you had, I wouldn’t have held it against you. I swear.”

“You’re a good man, Trevor. And no matter what version of my life you walked into, I don’t think I’d have a shot in hell at being able to resist you. But in this one, I don’t even want to try.”

Again he looks away, like he can take a hit from an opposing player on the ice in stride, but a compliment is too much. I’ll have to work on that.

Only as soon as the thought crosses my mind, I check it. Because Trevor isn’t here to stay. He’s here for a few weeks. And then he’ll be back in Chicago playing for the Slayers… because I can’t believe for a second they’ll let him go back down to Springfield.

And then like his thoughts were somehow echoing my own, he meets my eyes. “In this version of my life, things are pretty messy. The only thing I know for certain about my future is that I have four weeks in Wildren. But beyond that, I—” He searches my eyes, a pain moving into his. “I can’t even make plans for myself. I don’t know what city I’m going to live in. What team I’m going to play for. And the thing is, as much as that kind of uncertainty sucks, I’ve got to be grateful for it. Remember how lucky I am and how many guys would do anything to be in my place. This is what I wanted, but there are times when having it is harder than I expected it to be.”

“Maybe that’s why you came back. Maybe you needed a break from all the worry and waiting for answers. Maybe you just needed something simple for a little while.”

I mean it to be reassuring but somehow it isn’t.

Trevor nods but then drops his head for a breath. When he looks back up, that buoyancy I was feeling in my chest is replaced by something heavy, resigned. Because we both recognize the truth of it.

“Cam. The way I want you… I don’t think this thing between us could ever be simple.”

7

Trevor

The drive back is quiet. But somehow, it’s not uncomfortable even after the truth of our situation became obvious. My thoughts bounce between the taste of Cam’s kiss, the warm, free sound of his laughter, and what a damn fool I was for coming here when the only thing I know about my life is that this career I’ve been working toward forever is maybe, possibly, almost within my grasp.

That I nearly sacrificed my chance at the NHL once for this man… only to realize he didn’t want me to. He didn’t want me at all.

It was more than that.

It was.

I understand. But being back here, feeling myself falling again before I even realized I’d gotten close to the cliff—

Damn.

I should know better.

I should want to end this date as quickly as possible. Grab that bottle of tequila Lizzo’s been saving for me and put us both out of our misery.

But even knowing better, I don’t want this to end.

Wrapping my hands around the wheel, I hold tight so I don’t reach for him.

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