Page 77 of Resilience

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They took the van, headed to Costco to pick up supplies for what would be a reunion as well as a patch party for Monty and Sam. On the way, they stopped on a quiet street near the country club. Sam put the van in park and shifted to face Athena.

“What’s going on?” he asked, his expression bunched with worry.

Athena both did and did not want to tell him. She didn’t want the secret between them, and more than that, she wanted to feel the comfort she knew he’d offer. But he’d be angry, too, and he’d want to do something to Hunter.

She’d come around to the idea that her only avenue to satisfaction led through the club. Her father might know about it already, and she wanted Sam to be as involved as he wanted to be in whatever her father would do. She wanted to be involved as well.

But it was hard to say this thing. The rape, she’d never told anyone; both Sam and Mom had figured it out without her input. The pregnancy, so far, was the same. Sam would be the first she’d actually tell about any part of what Hunter did.

She wanted to tell him. But she didn’t want him to know.

It wasn’t shame. It wasn’t. It wasn’t panic, either. She didn’t blame herself for being raped, and she wasn’t panicked about the pregnancy. She didn’t have to panic, because she wouldn’t be pregnant very much longer. Her life would not change because of any of this.

Even so, it completely sucked. She hated that it had happened, she hated that she hadn’t been strong enough to stop it, and she really hated that she’d trusted that piece of shit and had given over so much of her life to him when Sam had been right there the whole time.

Most of all, she didn’t want Sam to see her differently now. Like she was fragile and helpless.

But that was stupid, and she knew it. Sam knew her better than anyone. He knew she was no wilting flower, despite her size, despite her deafness.

So she shifted in her seat to face him, and she told him. “I’m pregnant.”

His color had improved dramatically in the time since he’d been shot, but it all drained out at once. “What?”

“That night—” The sentence she’d intended to make would have finished Hunter didn’t use a condom, but Sam had picked up on the implication and was already signing, so she let her hands drop.

“That motherfucker! My god, Athena. I know you don’t want me to—”

She caught his hand in motion and stopped him. When he gave her a quizzical look, she signed, “I talked to my mom, and I decided that nothing inside the law gives me what I need. Mom won’t work outside the law, so I want your help. The club’s help. Mom’s probably telling Dad right now.” Her father’s reaction would probably be so explosive, she wouldn’t be surprised if Sam heard it from here, miles away.

Sam sighed so heavily his shoulders slumped. “Good. I know you wanted to handle it, but what that fucker needs—”

Athena stopped him again. “I still want to be involved. I want what happens to be my choice. I would do it on my own, but I don’t know how, and I know I’m not physically strong enough. I need help.”

When she was finished, Sam picked up her hands and embraced them in his own. “Are you okay?”

She loved him so much. As much as ever, and something new as well. Not an improvement but an addition.

Reclaiming her hands, she answered him. “I am. Truly. I’m pissed, and I want him to pay, but I’m honestly not traumatized by any of this. Just furious.”

“You’re so damn tough, Frodo—I mean, Frosie.”

Grinning at the silly-cute nickname she already loved, Athena shrugged a little at his assertion of her toughness. She thought she was pretty tough, too, but compliments made her feel weird, even from Sam.

“I assume you want an abortion?” he asked.

“Oh yeah. Totally. Soon as I can. That’s a little tricky now, since Oklahoma rolled backward fifty years.”

“More motherfuckers.”

“Agreed. But I did some research, and the Planned Parenthood in Overland Park is probably the closest place that does it.”

“Kansas?”

“Yep. There’s a page on their website about what to expect, and it looks like they want patients to stay close for a day or two. It means at least one overnight up there. Maybe two, depending on the time of my appointment.”

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