Page 39 of Virago

“I think this is more about who I fuck.” He was the one getting called in by his angry president.

The look Gia turned on him then actually made him gulp. “First, no, it’s not, because you could fuck anybody but me and nobody would care, but I can’t fuck anybody without starting a town crisis. And second, it does not make it better to make that into your problem and not mine.”

He didn’t quite understand the last part of her challenge, but he got the overall gist, and she was right. It was ... dehumanizing, in a way, or at least infantilizing, for the whole club—hell, the whole town—to be so wrapped up in what Gia did and with whom. And she was right that, while Zaxx was the one about to get a face full of hot president, the problem really was hers, and there were people who would blame her for getting him in trouble.

Oh. Was that her second point?

“Sorry. I wasn’t seeing that side of it, but I do get it. It sucks.”

“Yeah, it does.” Her anger eased away on a sigh. “I never had a real date in high school because of all this. No boys would come near me. I had to move away to be able to have any kind of sex life or romance. But I’m gonna be twenty-five in July, I’m almost done with a fucking PhD, and I really thought maybe I could be treated like a grownup finally.”

Zaxx heard and sincerely sympathized with Gia’s complaint. She was the opposite of him in that way—he’d had to grow up too quickly because his parents were children themselves; she wasn’t allowed to grow up because her parents—or at least her father—couldn’t imagine giving up control of their precious baby girl. Either extreme sucked, and it was another way they sat on contrasting points, balancing each other out.

Or one overwhelming the other. He meant to try for balance.

But he’d heard something else in what she’d said, and it got snagged at the front of his head. He had to ask, because it could be meaningful for what he faced with Badge. Prepared for another flash of her anger, he began, “Was last night the first time—”

She cut him off with a dramatic roll of her eyes. “Oh my God, Zaxx. I haven’t been a virgin since my freshman year at Mizzou.”

He chuckled. “That’s not what I’m asking. You are obviously not a novice. But was it the first time you’ve had sex here—in Signal Bend I mean, not in this house which was just built.”

She studied him for a few seconds before she answered. Zaxx studied her right back, and he knew her answer before she spoke it.

“Yeah, it’s the first time.”

That was information he could have benefited from knowing ahead of time, but he was smart enough not to say so now, and to understand why he shouldn’t. Knowing that he was, as far as everybody around knew, the first person she—Gia Lunden, daughter of Isaac and Lilli Lunden—had been with wouldn’t have changed what he wanted last night, but he’d have understood a little better when Nolan had gotten in his face about it at No Place. And he'd have had more time to craft an answer for Badger. But none of that really mattered. Gia was the one getting fucked around by other people’s perception and expectations of her.

So all he said was, “Okay. I guess we’ll see what Badge has to say.” He picked up her hand and kissed it.

She watched him, then lifted her eyes to his. “I have this impulse to apologize, but I don’t think I should.”

“You shouldn’t. You said this is your problem, and I see what you mean, but I also think you’re wrong. It’s not your problem, and it’s not my problem. This is a them problem, and they don’t get a say in what we do. They want to make a scandal over it, let ‘em. We’ll do what we want.” He cupped her cheek in his palm and leaned in close. “I told you last night, more than once: I’m not scared off.”

A smile broke like a sunbeam across her face, and she leaned in and kissed him.

~oOo~

About fifteen minutes later, Zaxx stepped onto the porch of Gia’s tiny house. The Lundens’ yard was sunny and quiet, full of the usual country spring scents and sounds—fresh grass and rich soil, a touch of honeysuckle floating on a light breeze, a varied chorus of birdsong, and the faint, distant rumble of a tractor. It looked like it was going to be a perfect May day.

Despite where he was headed, despite the same slate of troubles and problems that had vexed him yesterday, and some additional ones this morning, Zaxx was in a fantastic mood. Last night had blown his mind. Probably the best sex he’d ever had, and the best connection he’d ever made. More than that, it felt important. He didn’t know how yet, maybe simply that their chemistry was so potent and full of potential, but there was something underlying all that, something going on inside him. He’d almost say he felt changed.

There was a moment last night when he’d thought he actually, literally felt himself changing.

Halfway to his bike, he saw Lilli running toward him, coming up from behind the garage, following a path that led from the woods. For a split second, Zaxx thought she was running at him, in fear or anger or some other kind of urgency, but then he noticed her attire, her steady pace, the swing of her dark ponytail. She was running. As in working out.

Continuing to his bike, he raised a hand in greeting. She didn’t return a hand of her own, but she veered off the path and headed toward him. Now that she clearly was running at him, he stopped and waited.

“Zaxx,” she said as she pulled to a stop. Wearing black leggings that stopped right below her knees and a form-fitting green tank top that stopped right above her waist, she did not look like a woman in her late fifties. His own mom was twenty years younger but looked about the same age.

It struck him then, as it often did despite living with the truth his whole life, how fucking young his folks were. He and Gia were both firstborn kids, and he was more than five years older than her; she’d told him this morning that she’d be twenty-five in July. He’d be thirty-one in December. But his parents were twenty years younger than hers.

“Morning, Lilli.” He wasn’t sure what more to say, or if he should say more.

She set her hands on her hips and huffed out a breath. Though she was sweaty and flushed, her breathing wasn’t particularly strained.

Her expression was neutral, he thought, neither angry nor pleased. But her grey eyes had him locked in. “Let’s not play make-believe. I know why you’re here, and you know I know. So let me just say this: Her father is pissed. This, I’m sure, is not a surprise, either to you or to Gia. Probably you both think he doesn’t have a right to be pissed, and you both have a right to do what you want. At least that last one is true. But I need you to understand that it doesn’t matter. Not here. Here, what Isaac wants matters more than most things. And you know that, too. So does Gia.”

Zaxx took that all in and considered it. There were points he wanted to push back on, but he was keenly aware that Gia needed to be centered in this, and he didn’t want to speak for her or go around her. All he said to her mother was, “I like her. A lot. I won’t hurt her.”

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