Page 47 of Perfect Chemistry

I choked back another sob. “Shit.”

I did my best to call my parents. It was four o’clock in the morning. I couldn’t tell them everything the doctor said on the phone. I said it was bad, and they needed to come in. If they saw Jenny, they weren’t to give her any information.

Twelve hours later, I was standing next to Heather’s bed holding her hand, and whispering to her how much I loved her, as they prepared to withdraw her life support. Despite our best efforts, she had gone too long without oxygen, and the neurologists confirmed there was zero brain activity.

She would never wake up. She would never look at me with those big blue eyes. I would never again get to hear her grunting laughter. I felt my parents put their hands on my shoulders to comfort me.

No parent should ever have to see their child die before them. I nodded to the doctor, and the life support was stopped with the push of a button. They had told me to expect a slow deterioration, but it didn’t happen that way. As soon as the machines stopped forcing life into her, she died.

I dropped to my knees and cried, pulling my daughter to my chest. “I’m so sorry, baby. Daddy loves you so, so much. I’m so sorry,” I whispered into her hair.

It was another three hours of paperwork with the hospital, a social worker from the state, and arranging for Heather’s funeral. I hadn’t slept in two days, and I felt like I was dead inside. All of my emotions were numb.

As we walked through the hospital’s central waiting area, I heard a woman screaming, but didn’t connect it to me until Jenny was standing in front of me. She had grabbed my shirt and was shaking me, while screaming, “Where’s my baby? Where’s my daughter!?!? WHY WON’T YOU LET ME SEE MY BABY?!?”

I smacked her. I smacked her across the cheek, and she stopped making noises. “You don’t deserve to be a mother,” I gritted out between clenched teeth. Jenny stood there staring at me without saying another word.

“How many times, Jenny? HUH? HOW MANY TIMES DID I TRY TO TAKE TO OUR CHILD TO THE FUCKING DOCTOR?!? HUH?? TELL ME!” I screamed in her face.

“YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR BABY? SHE’S IN THE MORGUE! YOU KILLED OUR CHILD! YOU KILLED MY DAUGHTER, YOU HEARTLESS BITCH!” My voice broke, and I began sobbing again. “You killed her, Jen. She could have been treated and lived a whole life, but you killed her.”

I felt my mother pull me into her arms. Someone else moved Jenny away from me, but I couldn’t be sure who it was. It couldn’t get any worse. My world went black at that moment as my own body shut down.

Chapter 17

I felt numb when I opened my eyes. The past three days felt surreal, but I knew that everything had happened. Social services had demanded an autopsy to confirm Heather’s cause of death, because of Dr. Lee’s statement to the EMTs after she collapsed. It made me sick to my stomach.

I rolled out of bed and ran to the bathroom, dry heaving over the toilet. There was nothing by bile left in my stomach, and I was sure even that had been emptied out. I rested my head on my arm as I slumped over the porcelain. The court hearing for the protective order was today, not that it mattered, but the social services’ appointed case worker was presenting the unofficial autopsy results.

The original hearing should have been four days ago, but they postponed it for the results. I hadn’t spoken with Jenny since the hospital. Her messages all went to my old phone that my lawyer held as evidence. My brother got me a new phone with a new number, so I wouldn’t have to deal with her.

I gave the lawyer every penny I had in savings to file for immediate dissolution of our marriage following today’s proceedings. There was nothing she could say that would change how much I hated her.

“Kai?” my mother called from outside the bathroom. “Can I get you anything?”

I shook my head. There was nothing she or anyone else could ever give me that would make this better. “No,” I barked.

Standing up, I started the shower. I needed to keep moving forward. I needed to get past today. I choked back another sob, as I stepped into the shower. All I could see was Heather when I closed my eyes, and hear Jenny’s lies when I tried to sleep. I was a fucking mess.

Thank god for my family, or I would have shot myself already. I didn’t want to live like this. I couldn’t. It hurt so fucking much. I failed to protect my daughter. As a health professional, I failed to advocate for her health. I hated myself.

I didn’t know what I was expecting from this hearing, but it felt more like a mediation than an actual hearing. My lawyer and I sat at one side of a conference table, with my family seated behind us. Across the table were Jenny, her lawyer and two other men. One looked familiar, but I couldn’t place where I knew him from. The second was suited up and obviously a lawyer.

When the judge came in, her face looked grim. Behind her was the social worker, Dr. Lee, and the doctor from the hospital. They nodded politely at me and took seats along the wall where my family was seated. It occurred to me that none of Jenny’s family had shown up to support her. I sneered at her before turning to face the judge.

“Mr Kai Rayburn?” the judge asked, looking at me.

“Yes, your honor,” I responded.

“Mrs Jenny Rayburn?” she asked, looking at Jenny.

“Yes, your honor,” she whispered.

“I have the two primary parties to this case seated at my table, may I ask who you are, Sir, and why are you here?” the judge stared down the man next to Jenny.

Before he could speak, his lawyer stood up, “Your honor, my client is Timothy Moreland, the father of the deceased child.”

I jerked to stand up and saw Jenny flinched, like I would ever lay my hands on her.

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