Page 59 of Perfect Chemistry

‘Ugh,’ I grunted and fell to the floor when I attempted to stand up.

“Call an ambulance,” Maria advised the others.

I didn’t know what was happening to me, but I hoped I was dying. “Let me be with Ty,” I whimpered.

I was delirious for another day before my world crashed again. I was pregnant.

Was.

I had been pregnant with mine and Tyson’s baby, and miscarried. I was so wrapped up in my grief that I lost our child. My last connection to him.

* * *

I choked back a sob, as I remembered the doctors telling me that I had lost our baby. I took another swig from the bottle.

My phone rang. I looked over but refused to answer. I had another two weeks of leave before the Marine Corps got any of my time or attention. I wasn’t allowed to die, but I didn’t have to pretend to live.

For now I could sit in my tub with my memories of my husband and drink to him. “To you, baby-” my voice crackled again. “Take care of our baby. I’m sorry I failed you both. I am so lost without you,” I cried.

* * *

I woke up in my bed. I looked over at the clock and saw that it was nearly two in the afternoon. I didn’t want to get out of bed, so I pulled the covers back over my head and went back to sleep.

I woke up covered in sweat, shaking. The room was pitch black. Someone was holding me, rubbing my back and trying to soothe me as I whimpered

“Shhhh. It’s okay, love. I’ve got you,” my mother’s voice cooed against my hair.

Another sob broke from my chest as I shook and cried. I lay cocooned in her arms until I succumbed to exhaustion again.

When I awoke again, someone else was in my bed holding me. I jerked when I realized a man was in my bed.

“It’s just me, Katie,” my dad murmured, and held me against his chest. “You’re not alone.”

“He left me, daddy,” I whimpered, barely above a whisper.

“Not by choice, and you have to know that. Tyson was one of the most honorable men I have met-” my dad’s voice broke.

“If he could have stayed with you he would have. You will never know how grateful I am that he brought you back to us, Katie. We all are. Tyson loved you so much. Don’t lose that in your grief,” he urged me.

I shook my head and nodded off again.

When I awoke again, I was in a hospital room. The sound of machines quietly beeping with my heartbeat and whirring of the oxygen confused me. For a moment, I thought I was back in the military hospital after the bombing. I couldn’t keep my eyes open then either.

I looked around expectantly, hoping to see Tyson on a cot next to my own bed. Instead, I was alone. This was not the military hospital, and Tyson was still gone.

I closed my eyes and willed myself to die. I didn’t want to live without him.

Some time later, I faintly heard voices talking around me, but I couldn’t open my eyes again.

“The procedure was a success. I can’t imagine how she held out this long. If you hadn’t got her in when you did, I don’t know that we could have saved her. Your girl’s a fighter,” a woman’s voice praised me.

I wasn’t a fighter. I lost my will to fight when my sun was extinguished. I let sleep take over again, hoping I wouldn’t wake again. Ever.

* * *

“How do you feel today?” Doctor Carson asked, looking me over.

Hers was the voice I heard when I was coming out of anesthesia. “I feel like shit.”

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