Page 64 of Perfect Chemistry

I sat there, tongue-tied. I looked over at Steven hoping he would be able to save me, but he just nodded encouragingly at me. I swallowed hard, and opened my mouth.

“I wanted to file a complaint against provider Jankowski. I just wanted to have my clearing papers signed. She said I had to make an appointment to clear, so I did that. Then she accused me of shooting my brains out and threatened to admit me against my will if I didn’t cooperate with her…”

My voice was raspy by the end, but I told her everything that had transpired with Jankowski. I didn’t sugarcoat or glorify anything. My records were clean.

I was mourning the loss of my husband and child. That didn’t make me a threat to myself.

I had PTSD from being blown up and watching another marine stuff organs back in my body.

I was sad. Every plan I ever dreamed to make was taken away the day I was notified of Ty’s death. Everyone around me wanted to help, but no one listened to what I said.

Colonel G listened as I spoke, and wrote notes from time to time in a file. When I was done speaking she put down her pen and looked at me. She didn’t smile or make platitudes; it felt like she was assessing my soul with her eyes.

“Do you remember March 8th?” she asked.

“Um, no?” I sat racking my brain trying to remember if it was a date that I should remember.

“When did you find out about your husband’s death?” she asked.

February 14th

“When was his funeral?”

March 5th

When did I go back to work, April 8th.

I didn’t understand why she was asking all of these questions.

“March 8th, Gunny. If you want me to help you, I need you to tell me what happened on March 8th,” she stated firmly.

I didn’t remem-

* * *

“You need to grieve, Katie.”

“What am I doing wrong? Am I not crying the right amount of tears? What the fuck do you want from me?”

“Katie, you need to get help.”

Katie.

Katie.

“She’s not responding and the tub is overflowing.”

“I can’t open the door! Call 911! Dear God, KATIE!!”

KATIE!!

KATIE!!

“What’s her name?”

“Katie, Katie Pres-Johnson. Katie Johnson.”

“Call ahead and tell them it’s suspected alcohol poisoning. They need to prepare the charcoal protocol.”

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