Page 94 of Perfect Chemistry

“Damn…” I muttered. “I was hoping for better than kind of nice,” I admitted. I couldn’t help the smirk on my face when she reached over and hit my arm.

“You know what I mean,” she chided, but she was smiling too. “I don’t know how to do this,” she admitted quietly, sipping her drink.

I tipped my head down. “I have to be honest, I don’t know either. I just know I want more… with you.”

She bit her lip, looking out over the park. “Be honest. When you say you love me, what is it you love?”

Katie wasn’t pulling any punches. She was going right for it, all the hard shit.

“When I woke up with you in my arms, it felt right. No sex, no kissing, nothing like that. It just felt right,” I admitted, looking over at her. “I didn’t even have that with my ex-wife.”

She smirked again. “We don’t even know each other any more. How much of that is wishful thinking from when we were kids, and how much of it is real?”

I moved the food aside, and pulled her closer to me so that we were sitting side by side, leaned up against the tree. “Do I make you uncomfortable?” I asked, feeling a bit uncertain now of how I had handled things so far.

Katie shook her head. “No. You really don’t.”

I nodded, exhaling the breath I held. “The only thing that I want is a chance. Even if we didn’t have the history that we do, I would still chase you.”

She looked at me skeptically. “Seriously?”

“You’re gorgeous. I know you don’t see it, but you take my breath away every time I see you. When you laugh and smile, and let yourself be in the moment…. Fuck, Kat. You’re stunning,” I whispered, holding her hand in mine.

“You only see what’s outside-” she started but I cut her off.

“Don’t do that. Please?” I asked quietly. “Don’t minimize my feelings. I’m not some high school kid, and neither are you. I will admit I fucked up letting you go. I was too late to tell you, but I knew then I fucked up.”

We sat for a few moments in silence before she started to open up. “I like you. I like how comfortable it is to be with you,” she confessed, caressing my fingers. “I am so afraid…. of life. I can’t just open up and give you everything.”

I pulled her into my chest and held her. She was brutally honest from the beginning. All of her reservations, trauma, and hang-ups were put out front like warning signs to avert interest.

I still wanted her though. I wanted to be the one to make her smile. I wanted to be the one who held her when she cried. I wanted all of her pain and hardships shared with me.

“I’m not lonely, Kat. I could find someone to warm my bed if that was all I needed. I want someone to cry with too. Someone to laugh with, or just be myself with,” I told her, hugging her against my chest. I kissed the top of her head, and waited a moment to see if she would speak next or if I should continue.

“You can’t tell me you had regrets after ghosting me, Kai,” she sighed. “You never once messaged me. You never tried to contact me. Not once.”

“Your number was disconnected. How the hell was I supposed to reach you?” I asked, chuckling.

She leaned back and looked up at me. “If my number was disconnected, how did you call me from a bar three weeks ago?”

My jaw dropped open. I hadn’t even realized that I called her number, and she answered. “Wait. Your phone was never disconnected?”

She shook her head. “No. I was waiting for you to call me, and tell me you were a fucking idiot. You never did.”

My head fell back against the tree. “Fucking Andie….” I grunted.

Katie sat up and looked at me confused. “What does she have to do with it?” She asked.

I couldn’t help but laugh at my younger self for being an idiot. “I showed up at your house, maybe ten minutes after you left. Andie kicked my ass and told me your phone was disconnected. I tried calling, and none of my calls went through… For weeks.”

“What?” She asked, looking pale and flushed at the same time.

“I showed up, Kitkat. I may have acted stupid after graduation, but I showed up, and your family turned me away,” I admitted.

“Oh my god…” She exhaled, starting to laugh. “My phone was turned off for three months while I attended boot camp. When I graduated training, Andie kept trying to get me to talk about you, but I shut her down.”

Katie looked at me sheepishly. “You came for me?”

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