Page 98 of Perfect Chemistry

“Kai?” she whimpered again. “I did it again, didn’t I?” She started to cry.

Damnit. I hated that nurse right now. Mary set the pill cup on a tray table with a glass of water and left the room flushed and fuming.

“Kai, I ca-can’t. I can’t,” she sobbed.

All of my attention was pulled back to her when she stuttered. I scooted Katie into my arms and sat down on the bed and held her.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, baby,” I said quietly, trying to soothe her.

“I did!” She cried into my shoulder. “I kill-hicc. I killed anoth- bab-hicc.”

My eyes were burning with tears. I never wanted her to cry again. She had cried enough. I held her as tight as I could, and told her over and over again that she did nothing wrong. When she finally calmed down, I looked down to see if she had fallen asleep again.

She looked shell-shocked, like her body was present but she had left it. I felt my tears finally fall down my face. I wanted to tell her the right way. I needed her to hear that this wasn’t her fault, that these things happen, and now I couldn’t.

“Katie? Kitkat, I need you to listen to me, okay? Can you just listen?” I asked, holding her and caressing her back. She made a sniffle noise and I took that as acknowledgement.

“You had an ectopic pregnancy, babe. There was nothing that could be done. You couldn’t have done anything any differently. This wasn’t you, Katie,” I cooed quietly against her hair.

“I didn’t know, and you got really sick. I didn’t pay enough attention. I didn’t notice that you were tired all of the time. Your body was trying to save your life, Katie. You did nothing wrong,” I told her over and over again.

We sat like that for the rest of the night. Katie curled into my chest and me rocking her and telling her over and over that she did nothing wrong. It was breaking me to see her like this. I didn’t think my heart could handle any more.

At eight o’clock the next morning the doctor came in to do his final rounds before shifts changed. He looked at the empty cup on the table and nodded. I had gotten her to take the medicine that would help her body to abort the failed pregnancy. We stared at each other for a few seconds before he came near the bed.

“Ms. Johnson? My name is Doctor Valdez. I am the attending that has been looking after you tonight. I need to check your vitals and review some information with you. Can we do that?” he asked quietly.

I felt Katie shift ever so slightly, but she wouldn’t look at the doctor. I nodded my head for him to continue.

“I was able to get some of your records from the VA last night, so that we could do what was best for you. You had an accident when you were deployed, is that correct? You were involved in a roadside attack?” He asked.

Katie nodded her head ever so slightly. She had told me about the bombing, but she didn’t go into much details about the incident and I hadn’t pushed her. But now I wanted to know what that had to do with now.

“After you were in the hospital, did they tell you that you had sustained damage to your abdomen, specifically your internal organs?” He asked.

Katie nodded again.

“Ok. Did they tell you that one of your ovaries was damaged?” He asked.

Katie hesitated, but nodded slowly. I felt her body relaxing against me.

“Did they tell you that the right fallopian tube should be removed because it was too badly damaged to function?” He asked cautiously.

Katie’s head turned quickly to stare at the doctor. She did not know.

“Ok. Let’s start this conversation over,” Dr Valdez sighed. “When you were injured, you sustained significant internal injuries that nearly took your life. The doctors were able to repair most of the damage, but your right ovary and fallopian tube were nearly destroyed. Truthfully, they could have been removed along with the lower lobe of your liver that was also severely damaged. Does any of this sound familiar?” He asked, trying to coax Katie into the conversation.

Katie nodded, “Yes. I remember a little.”

Dr. Valdez seemed encouraged by her participation, “Katie, you are proned to ectopic pregnancies because of that damaged tube. It is causing the ovum to fail to reach the uterus before it is fertilized and attaching itself to the fallopian tube instead. You’ve experienced this phenomenon before?”

Katie nodded again, “Yes.”

“There was nothing that you could have done differently this time or the last time. From everything that your husband has told us, you could not have done anything differently.”

Katie and I both stiffened when he called me her husband. I won’t lie and say I was repulsed by the idea. It sounded pretty good actually. But that was a conversation for another day.

“I am going to leave you some information about your care for the next 10 days. Just take it easy, don’t work if you don’t have to, and no heavy lifting. You’ll need to follow up with an OB/GYN after 14 days to verify that your body has passed everything. I am including a surgical consult and recommending the removal of the damaged tube. Do you have any questions for me?” He asked, looking at both of us.

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