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“If he was here right now, what would you tell him?”

“Besides to stick a gun in your face and get me the hell out of here?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled at her dark humor, “besides that.”

“I don’t know.” She sat up and leaned her back against the wall. She pulled her knees up to her chest and pulled the blanket over herself. “Is this something you’re going to use against me later?”

“I may be cruel but only when it’s necessary,” I assured her. We sat in silence for a few moments, and I wondered if she was deciding what words to say. She was careful.

“I should say thank you.” She finally spoke, and I arched a brow at her. “Thank you for showing me a side of me I didn’t know I had. I only wish I could keep those feelings at the surface instead of buried deep. Maybe I’d have been happier.”

I thought about what she said, and a part of me could relate. I’d suppressed a lot over the years, made a lot of sacrifices to be with the Cartel. Though I wouldn’t change it now, there was a time I’d battled with it and wondered if I could live this life. I tuned in to the faint smell of bleach and thought about fucking Leo and knew this was where I belonged.

“I’ll see what I can do about passing that along.”

“Thanks,” she dripped with sarcasm, “yeah, you do that.” I smirked, and she huffed out a breath. “Can I ask you a question?”

“I can’t guarantee an answer, but you can ask,” I shot back. I didn’t really care what she asked. I just enjoyed her company over the men upstairs.

“Have you ever been in love?”

“Yes.” I reached for my drink. It was cold, but I took a sip anyway, needing to do something.

“Didn’t end well, huh?”

“What makes you say that?”

“You gave me the truth, but you quickly moved on. That proves you’re uncomfortable with the question.”

“No,” I cleared my throat, “it didn’t end well.”

“Was it your fault?”

“Yes.”

“Why did you end it?”

“Because—” I started to lie but stopped myself and figured maybe admitting the truth would help the ache in my heart hurt less. “Because I have a past and a life that could hurt her.”

“That’s very noble of you.” She genuinely held my gaze with her puffy eyes. “I know, I’m the last person who should give out relationship advice, but have you ever thought about admitting it to her? Give her a chance to decide if she can handle it?”

“She won’t be able to.”

“Sounds like you’re giving up to me.”

“Trust me,” I shook my head and forced myself to clear all thoughts of my past from my head, “I’m not.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” She averted her gaze. “Being the one to hurt the person you love, or should love, is more painful than being on the receiving end.”

“Yeah, well, she’s moved on, so—”

“Has she really? Or is it an attempt to get your attention?”

I wasn’t sure. Alejandro had reported to me that he’d seen Talya the very day after we had sex at the bar hanging off the arm of Grim Gates. It hurt like a bitch to hear it, but it was my own doing, regardless.

Suddenly, the door burst open and the lights flipped on, almost blinding me. My gun was in my hand, ready to fire, before my eyes had even adjusted. Then I lowered it with a hiss.

“What the fuck is this? A slumber party?” Castillo glared at me, and I settled back in my chair, unfazed by his frustration. He should know what I was doing, so I didn’t grace him with a reply.

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