Page 29 of Tango

Regardless of my feelings, I knew the house needed time to recover. They needed to laugh, have a few beers, and talk it out. They all had pain to shed, and I couldn’t think of a better way to do it.

“It was a beautiful service, a nice way to send her off.” Savannah was the first to break the silence. “Cold, crisp air and a fresh layer of snow. A Shadows recipe at its finest.”

“Agreed.” Cole squeezed her hand. “Cat, I really like what you said about the kids not being alone because we’re all here for them. That was a good reminder.”

“They needed to know none of us are alone.”

“A bit windy.” Mike changed things up.

“Yeah, it’s always windy up there. I just kept worryin’ it was gonna change direction when they were sprinkling her ashes,” Mark blurted. We all went silent and looked over at Keith, who erupted in a full-out belly laugh. Relieved, we all joined in, and we laughed until our sides hurt.

“I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thought that.” Keith laughed harder. “That would so be something Lexi’d do.”

“It would, wouldn’t it?” Doc Roberts shook his head. “Good lord, that young woman was always pulling something on you guys.”

As the dark humor emerged and grew, I got the feeling from listening to the comments around me that it was just the type of thing Lexi would have liked. No tears, just inappropriate laughter, and a bit of fun.

“Remember when she stuck the Furby in your underwear drawer, Mark?” Mike laughed to the point of tears. “And you jumped so hard you tripped over Liam’s truck and went flying?”

“I don’t remember that,” Paul blurted, and the laughter dissolved instantly.

Mike tried to be kind. “It was last year. Sorry, man.”

“No, it’s okay.” He waved him off. “Sounds like it was fun.”

“Must be strange being back,” I cut in and knew my tone was a bit sharp. Maybe even more than I intended. “Do you ever find your head slippin’ back?” He held my gaze for a moment, and for a brief second I felt bad for my wording. I couldn’t help it. He’d lived with the enemy for over a decade, and I didn’t know him to start with.

“No,” he cleared his throat, “I had my ways to keep my head on straight.”

“Oh, how?”

“Ty,” Ivy looked at me, worried I was about to cross a line I couldn’t come back from.

Cole, to my surprise, stepped in. “It’s okay. We all have questions, and we can’t expect Beckett or Moore to feel like we do about Paul. We’ve got history with him.” He turned back to me. “To you and Moore, he’s a stranger, but to us he was and is still family.”

“I appreciate that,” Paul answered but kept his focus on me. “I don’t know a lot of informants, but from what I know, they often shut themselves off from the life they left behind. I chose to do the opposite.” He ran his hands over his thighs to warm them.

“That doesn’t really answer my question.” I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

“Back off, will ya, Ty?” Mike huffed, but Paul held up a hand.

“Look, I never asked for what happened to me.” He looked around at everyone as he spoke. “Blackstone gave me the life I always wanted. I’d never had a real life before I came here. I cared so much for this place and these guys that part of my agreement with Frank was that I never wanted to forget. I insisted on monthly ten-minute calls with him just so I could hear about my brothers’ lives. I needed to stay grounded and focused, and that worked for me.”

“You had calls at your house?” Moore asked as he declined a phone call on his own phone.

“No, of course not. Frank set it up with a local priest. I’d go to church, and he’d let me use his office. My guys figured I used the church to clear my head. I guess in a way I did.”

“And you trusted this priest?”

“I trusted Frank.” He glanced over at Frank, who stood back from the rest of us. “Besides, everyone has a price, Moore. I’m sure you experienced that over in Afghanistan.”

“We did.” Moore glanced at me, and I felt Ivy flinch. Clearly, Frank had given Paul a rundown on us and our history.

“I hear you’re goin’ back tomorrow on a turnaround mission. Hope you find what you’re lookin’ for.” I shot Frank a pissed look, and he shrugged. Nothing seemed to faze him. I knew everyone was aware I was leaving, but to tell the new guy… I was more than pissed.

“I need a refill.” Ivy hopped up and headed toward the house.

Savannah flipped her cup over to show it was empty and stood. “Wait, Ivy, I need one, too.” She threw me a look, and I appreciated Savannah so much in that moment.

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