Page 6 of Protecting What's His

It had been a long time ago and while I didn’t remember exactly what happened, I knew that it was likely how he remembered it. I remembered being upset and hurt but knowing deep down that I’d asked for it. I just hadn’t thought that he would leave. It was so long ago, but I felt just as raw about it as I did then. Now that so much time had gone by, the mistake was even more serious. It had kept us apart for over a decade. That was a long time to deal with something.

“There is no sense in worrying about what happened in the past, Nicholas. It is done and over with.”

“Will you give me another chance without fixing the past?”

That was a good question, and I honestly didn’t have an answer. I shrugged and told him that I wasn’t exactly sure. “I thought this was just a casual night out between me and you?”

Nicholas agreed that it was, but it didn’t feel casual at all. It felt like Nicholas was trying to convince me of why the two of us should be together. I didn’t know how I felt about it, but I knew that I wasn’t ready for all of that. I was still trying to get used to Nicholas being back. Heck, I still hadn’t wrapped my head around the fact that I was even back. I was living with family, it was all messed up, and not how I saw my life going. I was going to be twenty-eight soon, and all I had to look forward to was living with my siblings and a high school crush that broke my heart. I couldn’t help wondering on repeat, how in the world did I get here?

“Come on, Lara, don’t play coy. You have to know how I feel, don’t you?”

He said it in such a way that made me smile. “I am not playing anything. I don’t know how you feel, Nicholas. I haven’t seen you in a decade. Now hush, so we can watch the end, at least. I think they are going to kick us out if we don’t shut up.”

He agreed, but Nicholas didn’t seem like he was into being told to be quiet. I got a bit of a broody face, and I tried to ignore it as good as I could. I hated to see him upset, but he was pushing it, and I wasn’t ready. Couldn’t he tell?

“We should stretch our legs after sitting down for that long, don’t you think?”

We were outside of the movie theatre, and the weather was cooperating with the idea of a short walk. I thought that it would be sweet to go with him, but I had no idea where he thought that walk was going to go. Bogalusa was quiet now; it was late and the whole town was shutting down.

We walked to a local daiquiri shop, and he bought me a white Russian. “You remember too much about me.”

Nicholas agreed and for a second I thought he was going to kiss me. I certainly wanted him to, but the feeling that he would didn’t last very long. Instead of him getting to me like he wanted to, I walked a bit faster so that the moment didn’t last very long. I didn’t trust myself when it came to Nicholas. He was just so damn big now, I wondered how he looked without his clothes on. I knew that it wasn’t what I was supposed to think about, but I couldn’t help it. Nicholas made me want him.

We did a wide loop and I started walking toward the vehicle that we came in. I didn’t think I would be able to spend much more time with him, without getting in trouble in some way. Nicholas was far too dashing and charming for me to fight it that much more.

“Are you ready to go back already? The night is still young.”

I agreed that I thought it was a good idea. I didn’t want to tell him that I was afraid of him, but I was. I didn’t know how to react with Nicholas. My body wanted to react like he was an old friend, which he was. I just wasn’t sure if I was ready to look at him like that.

5

Nicholas

We drove back toward the twin’s place, and I asked Lara if she wanted to be back in Bogalusa. I think I knew the answer and when she said that she wasn’t too interested in it, I think I could only agree with it.

“I don’t want to be here either, but here I am. I am going to try and make the best of it. Thanks for coming out with me,” Lara said as she looked out the window. Her mind seemed to be far out there and, of course, I wondered what she was thinking about. Was she thinking about the past and how we had gone wrong? How to fix it?

I told her that it was no big deal. I could tell that she was fighting the same urges that I was. We used to be good together. We never did all that we could do to make our desires known, almost had, but now it was all I could think about. To be fair, it was all I could think about back then too. The way she looked at me and the secret that was right there in her eyes, I felt something extra every time we were together. Staying with Ashton could be one of the greatest things possible, if I could only figure out what to do about it. We were right next to each other, down the hall, under the same roof, so why couldn’t something great come of that? I certainly wanted it to.

I pulled in behind her brother. “Looks they are finally back. I had a good time too, Lara. I always have an amazing time when I am with you.”

A part of me wanted to lean over and grab a kiss. I didn’t think she would have fought it. I could see the same curiosity in her eyes. She wanted to see what would happen if our lips met. I wanted to know the same thing.

I moved back before I could do something I would likely regret. It was too soon for all of that. Lara was confused when I looked at her again. She had really wanted the kiss too. Didn’t she know the danger that could come from it? I was sure that it would be more complicated this time around. We already had a history, that was bad enough. If we started kissing, it wouldn’t be long until we were sleeping together. While I wanted that, truly, I didn’t want something to happen too fast and ruin our relationship. I was staying with her brother after all. I didn’t want to be the one that lost my best friend over it.

When we walked up to the door, Lara was slacking behind and I helped her with the stairs. She told me that she didn’t need my help, but I insisted because I wanted to help her. She couldn’t stop me from helping her, right? When she tripped and fell into my arms, it was meant to be. Why else would I be there, but to carry her up in my arms?

“Put me down,” Lara protested, smacking my hands away like I was doing something wrong. Maybe I was, because my body answered the familiarity that I had with her. I couldn’t help it.

I apologized and did what she said, but she did make a comment about how I was so damn big and how I felt different.

“I bet I do feel different. Do you want to find out?”

Lara rolled her eyes and went inside before I could say anything more. We’d never had sex before, but we’d fooled around. I would have taken some innocent making out over about anything else. Ashton had a look on his face when he got back, like he expected us to be dating or something. I didn’t want to talk about his sister. For some reason, I think he thought that if I was with Lara, she would stay. The twins had not taken her departure well, the parents either. I didn’t get their family that much. I never knew my dad, and my mom had been out of my life for a long time. I had hung out with Ashton so much because they were so welcoming and so different than anything I was going home to. The military had been my family since I left Bogalusa, but before that, it was Ashton and the rest of his family.

I missed my military family already, though I knew that we would keep in touch. I had a bond with many men for the rest of my life. That wasn’t going to go away whether I was on duty or not. It was good to know that the Roald’s were the same way, always here, even when I’d been gone so long.

Ashton asked if I wanted to go for a run. He had taken up some more physical endeavors and even though I wasn’t into running around the block like a gerbil on a wheel, I decided that it was probably for the best. I was filled with so much energy and how I wanted to use it up wasn’t going to happen. I was going to have to figure something else out.

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