Page 99 of Dr. Brandt

“Then why wasn’t the surgery decided on in the beginning, Jessica? Why is he suddenly the heroic doctor? I don’t want to insult you, but you should understand that this whole thing makes people question you and your relationship with Cameron. It’s not a good look for a mother who says she wanted help for her son and ends up in bed with his doctor.”

“I’m not doing this,” I said, walking briskly away from him.

“Doing what?” he questioned, stepping up to keep up with me. “Listening to the truth? People talk, you know?”

I was stopped when he tugged my arm and placed his arms around me.

“I just want him better,” I said.

That was the end of my fight for my own happiness.

Somehow, I’d given Warren and my parents power over me, and I was too weak to fight for it back. I didn’t even know if I wanted it back. I clearly wasn’t responsible enough to keep my son from nearly dying. I deserved this shame for what I’d done to Jackson. It was painfully obvious that my decision-making couldn’t be trusted.

I hated that I felt so weak. I hated that everything Warren was saying was right. And I hated that I agreed with him.

Chapter Forty-One

Cameron

I began surgery on Jackson at 0400 hours. After seven hours of supreme focus, communicating with my surgical team about what I was finding and where I was disconnecting the damaged hemisphere of his brain, Jackson was safely out of surgery and in the pediatric ICU.

“I spoke with the family,” Dr. Fremont said with Dr. Palmer at his side. “They’re happy to know the surgery was successful, but they’re still waiting on you.”

I nodded. I didn’t walk into that room directly after surgery as I would’ve done with any other case, and it wasn’t because of the emotional storm I’d been through over the last seventy-two hours either. It was because I wanted to stay by Jackson’s side from the moment that I made that first incision to the point that he was safely and intensively being monitored in the ICU.

“Thank you. I trust they are grateful to hear the good news,” I said, smiling for the first time since walking into the hospital at three this morning. “I’m on my way to see them now.”

“Fine job today as usual,” Dr. Palmer said, her eyes bright.

“Thanks, Palmer,” I said. “I’m glad everything went smoothly. Sometimes you get lucky, and we sure as hell did today with Jackson.”

“Some might call it luck,” she said. “But I don’t.”

“Oh?” I said, smiling over at her as we walked to the family waiting room, “what would you call it?”

“Talent,” she laughed. “How can you say luck played a role in that?”

“What else would I call it? Maybe luck makes it sound like I was in there rolling the dice, but when it comes down to it, isn’t that what we’re doing? We never know what’s going to happen despite all our training.”

“Yes, but I believe there are angels in that room,” she nudged me in the side, “and on your shoulder to help guide you. You didn’t just get lucky. You’re skilled enough to make all of that happen with diligence.”

“Well, if I viewed it that way,” I smirked at her, my mood lightening up some more, “then I’d be one arrogant son of a bitch.”

“Neurosurgeon and arrogance; I think those words go together, right?” she chuckled. “Douchebag? It’s all the same.”

I laughed. “Easy, Dr. Palmer,” I said. “Let’s just agree that I won’t pretend luck played a part in this brain surgery. No one wants to think the person holding their loved one’s life in their hands is a gambler.”

“You’re a piece of work, sometimes, Dr. Brandt. Just take credit where credit is due.”

We approached the family waiting room, and I felt that darker emotional state wash over me again. The state I was in when I’d watched Jessa lean on Warren for support.

Fuck luck, I thought. Lucky was the last thing I was when it came to Jessa. That couldn’t have been made more evident these past few days.

“They’re all extremely excited to see Jackson, especially Ms. Stein, of course,” Dr. Palmer said.

“Very good,” I said, shrugging off the look of concern she shot me.

The entire pediatric ward knew that Jessa was my college love, and they loved how fate had brought Jessa and my son back to me. However, a little-known, important fact was that somehow, I lost her in the whirlwind.

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