Page 73 of Blood of the Stars

“Are you paying attention?” Sylmar’s sharp tone startled Aeliana.

“I’m trying,” she mumbled.

Cyrus gave her a sympathetic look from across the pile of sticks where he and Jasperus watched. Someone besides Sylmar always sat with her during each training session, as if their eagerness might translate into her success. But their presence only made her more nervous that their proximity put them in danger.

Sylmar sighed. “You’re building energy faster than you’re releasing it. Your mind is growing numb, like when people eat themselves into a gluttonous stupor. You must release your energy.”

She nodded, even though that was exactly what she’d been trying to do for the last two nights. She had spent both evenings focusing inward, searching for the place where her energy could be channeled, where she could direct it down a path to the rock Sylmar wanted her to split or the tree he wanted her to help grow. Each time she sensed it, her starlock shimmered, sending a flutter of confidence through her. But then she’d remember Kendalyhn’s pained scream, the way her body had flown across the clearing, the horror that had torn through Aeliana when she’d thought she’d killed her.

“What if I practice archery?” she asked, looking longingly at her white elm bow and its quiver of arrows. She’d carried them plenty, but Cyrus had only taken her out to practice once. It had been relaxing, almost fulfilling. “Or even sword fighting.”

Jasperus shook his head. “You’re too full of energy. You’re more likely to injure yourself than make headway on those skills.”

His words struck true. She was even more likely to hurt someone else. But the same was true of her magic. Splitting a rock could send the pieces flying, and the moment she imagined shards impaling people, her starlock went ice cold, the avenue that had once been cleared for her energy’s release now blocked. Growing a tree could send roots up, wrapping around legs, arms, necks, just like the roots that had bent to Arvid’s will when he’d buried the dead girl.

Without the ability to control her magic, every action Sylmar suggested was dangerous.

Even now, when pain left her gasping and she wanted freedom, it was like her subconscious had removed the possibility of accessing her energy. She couldn’t sense any way to release it without erupting like the volcano they aimed to reach after Islara.

“Reach inside for that spark and send it to the sticks,” Sylmar said, drawing her attention back to the place where a fire should be. “Use your energy to provide warmth for the people around you.” It was his newest tactic. He sensed her fear of harming others, so he tried to turn it around into something good she could do.

But her blood was so full of energy that she was more likely to start an inferno that rivaled the range of Durriken’s breath.

She closed her eyes and searched inward anyway. If nothing else, it felt good to take a deep breath and relax. With the loss of vision, her other senses grew stronger. She’d grown used to this, but still found the jungle sounds rewardingly peaceful. Even the distant howls that were too high to be wolves and too long to be foxes or wild dogs.

She imagined a wall protecting Cyrus and Jasperus, hoping that if she ever managed to create the spark, she would also create a barrier to keep them safe. Without warning, she was on the ground with Cyrus bent over her, cool hands applying one of Velden’s pastes to her forehead and cheeks. Beyond his red hair, thick clouds rolled and lightning flashed.

“You’re all right. You just passed out. You’ll get it next time.” His tight smile contradicted the encouragement of his words.

It took longer than usual for the paste to work, and by the time she sought out Sylmar to try again, he waved her away. “I’ve been told I’m pushing too hard.”

“It’s what I need, isn’t it?” she asked. “I can do it.”

He studied her but must have found something wanting. “Not tonight.”

She wrapped her arms around her waist and turned away, heading for the small spring they’d used to refill their skins and traveling downstream until she reached a mossy bank. She removed her shoes, sitting down and slipping her feet into the cool water. Her entire body shivered even though she felt swollen and heated with the energy beneath her skin. She imagined the cool water slipping through to her veins, replacing the tainted blood, easing her pain and setting her free.

Cyrus sat next to her, passing over a helping of cooked fish on a stick. She blinked, noting how much darker it had already gotten. How long had she sat here?

“For the record,” he said, “I agree with the others that you should learn magic, but there’s something honorable in your resistance. Like you’re subconsciously determined to avoid what’s wrong even if it kills you. I think that tenacity will serve you well in the long run, when you have difficult choices to make and the wrong thing seems easier than the right.” He gave her a sad smile before taking a bite of his own fish, then turned to the waning moon above.

She blinked. His words sounded like a compliment, but she didn’t feel tenacious or determined at the moment. They sat in silence until he’d picked his first fish clean.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” He nudged her arm with his elbow.

She should eat. But her stomach churned at the scent of cooked meat. She raised it to her lips and took the smallest of bites to keep him happy. As Aeliana chewed, the heat of her energy went cold so suddenly she broke into violent shivers. Cyrus wrapped his cloak around her, setting her stick and fish against a rock.

“Should I get Sylmar or Lukai?” he asked.

The heat returned in a wave that made her break into a sweat. “See if you can find more of Velden’s paste?”

Cyrus nodded, jumping to his feet.

Cold paste slid over her skin, jolting her awake and making her realize she’d passed out once more. Her violent shivers started again as the medicine compensated for the volatile shifts of her body’s temperature. This time it was Jasperus who crouched before her, wiping the paste on her skin.

“I’m sorry this has been so difficult for you,” he said.

She sighed. “Is it possible she already branded me? That she’s keeping me from learning?”

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