Page 2 of Love Wasted

At that moment, I decide I won’t hold back any longer.

I push myself up and shout, “I am not a kid! I…I love you!”

His face turns a dark shade of pink, Matt and Zack laugh louder, and Delaney gasps from somewhere behind me.

Paxton takes a step away from me and starts laughing, even though his face doesn’t look like he finds humor in this situation at all. “Cassandra, you’re a little girl. I could never love you. You’re too silly and childish.” He turns and starts to walk away before he shouts over his shoulder, “Go home and play with your dolls or something.”

It’s like a punch in the gut. He called me a little girl. He called me silly. Paxton said he’d never love me. I know love. I want to fall in love.

I, Cassandra Porter, love love.

The punch he just delivered with his words is so hard, it knocks the love for Paxton Luke right out of me. My eyes narrow and I know in that very moment, I don’t love Paxton after all.

I hate him.

The look on her face when I called her a silly little girl causes my stomach to turn. It hurt her. I didn’t mean to hurt her…well, actually, that isn’t the truth. I knew what it would make her feel before I said it. I may have meant to do it, but I didn’t want to hurt her. I’m not sure why I did it…okay, that’s a lie too. I know why.

It’s because I hated seeing her scared. That funny feeling in my gut took over when I saw her, a feeling I don’t want to have because Cass is twelve and my sister’s best friend, and I’m fourteen and in eighth grade. So, I said it, and I laughed in her face.

I’m such a jerk, but Matt and Zach were standing there and they heard her and laughed. I was right to think they’d give me crap over it. Plus, I have other plans. I’m getting out of this town. I’m going to make something of myself. I have big dreams. I want to be an architect and design buildings. I can’t think of anything I have wanted more since my grandfather gave me a book about the greatest architectural designs in the world. I was fascinated, and that’s when I knew. He told me I could do anything I want as long as I have focus and work hard. So, I need to focus, and everything about Cass Porter makes my focus blurry.

It’s the reason I laughed at her confession of love and said what I said to her. It’s the reason she looked at me for one brief second like she might cry, but then instead gave me a look I’ve never seen from her.

I walked away feeling like I would live to regret being cruel.

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