Page 5 of Except You

“You’re right,” I say, glancing away, feeling suddenly incredibly cold. “There’s not.”

It feels almost like a lie leaving my lips, but I say it anyways. Beau has been nothing but kind to me since we met and has even tried to help me understand this life he’s living. And none of it comes across as flirtatious or creepy. No, he seems like a genuinely nice guy. So I lie. I say those words and lie like hell so I can keep him in my corner, even if it’s only for a bit longer.

“Look at you, straight man, opening your mind. Those hinges are rusty as fuck and they creak really loudly, but you’re doing it. It’s an inch, but that door is opening.”

I nod and swallow, adjusting my hat on my head once more.

“Yeah, seems so.”

“In a few months’ time, you won’t even bat an eye at this. I bet you’ll even do some gay parades in June too.”

I doubt that. I really fucking doubt it, but I just nod, lying about that as well. What does it hurt? What’s one more damn fib in the sea I’m swimming in?

“Come on. Wanna get out of here? I think that might be enough gay for one night. How about some hot chocolate on me?”

I nod dumbly and let him link his arm with mine, leading me across the street, my skin growing nearly numb from the cold wind whipping against it.

“I thought you said it wasn’t that cold out here,” I say through chattering teeth.

“Oh, you big baby,” he coos, and then a moment later, we’re both defrosting inside a cozy coffeehouse.

As soon as we’re inside, I glance around as Beau walks up to the counter, chatting happily with the woman behind the cash register. How he can speak to others so confidently amazes me. I’m an awkward, mumbling mess on my best days.

Seems Beau is an amazing man, even if he’s gay.

I glance around and notice the patrons, a bunch of college students, probably cramming for their spring midterm exams. It is almost March, after all. I remember those days, trying like hell to push as much information into my brain before those tests.

“Come on, the drinks will be ready soon. Let’s grab a seat and then we can talk some more.”

I don’t know if I want to do this, I’m already so exhausted from everything I’ve done tonight. But still, I let him lead me to a couch on the other side of the room, and I lower myself into it. He folds himself down next to me, his long legs pulled up under him as he places a pillow on his lap, turning to face me completely.

I don’t know what to say to him, so I just stare like a total lunatic.

He smiles softly at me and shrugs. “It’s okay. I know I’m beautiful in full light. It’s a little bit hard to cope with at first.”

A laugh snorts out of me, and I smother it quickly. “I guess.”

He smirks at me just as his name is called, and I wave at him to stay seated. I can get our drinks. I mean, it’s the least I can do when he’s already done so much.

When I bring them back over, whipped cream nearly sky high on both, he takes his cup from me and licks the top off, some smearing across his lips. I stare for a moment, wondering if this is what he looks like after he sucks dick, but then shake that thought away.

I don’t need to be thinking that. Not at all.

And where the fuck did that thought come from anyways? Seriously, I need to get a grip.

“So, Mr. Max, tell me a little about you. I mean, it’s only fair. You know so much about me.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” I contradict. “You told me about some general gay things, not about you specifically.”

“Yes, but that was kind of about me. I mean, I’m telling you about the things I know about the community I belong to.”

“Still not about you, though.”

He nods, his blue eyes shining.

“I guess you’re right. So, how about we take turns then? You tell me about you and I’ll tell you about me.”

I nod and then lean back on the couch, taking a careful sip of the hot chocolate, not wanting to smear whipped cream across my mouth like I suck dick. It’s silly, but I still don’t want to give him any ideas. This is exactly the kind of shit my brothers would rib me about. I can’t even drink through a fucking straw or bite into a banana without them making some crude joke.

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