Page 52 of Except You

This is getting a little embarrassing. I’m a grown man with a bit of a nocturnal emissions problem.

My best friend told me I should wear a towel to bed.

I regret telling him about Max.

Just as I think about him, my best friend’s name pops up on my phone. I swear to God, he’s the only person to call me. Even my parents text.

“What do you want, Coop?”

“Ah, hey there, lover. What are you up to? Just having wet dreams again?”

“Fuck off,” I say with a laugh and pat Doggo’s head. “I hate you. I’m never telling you anything ever again.”

“Wet dreams!”

I can’t take him anywhere. He’s snorting and hooting on the other end of the line. I swear he does this to torture me.

“What do you want?”

“I just wanted to hear your voice. I was having withdrawals.”

“You’re just a needy fucker.”

“I am. I’m the neediest. What are you doing? Spending the night with that snack of a man?”

“No, he’s with a woman tonight.”

“Oh lordy. I’m sorry. No towel needed for you tonight.”

“Jesus. You really are hammering that into the ground, aren’t you?”

“I can’t help it. It’s a great personality trait.”

“More like annoying.”

“And yet you love me. Come on. Let me come over, and I’ll cuddle you. I won’t be as straight and manly as Max, but I can give it to you real good.”

“Fuck off,” I say, but Coop still shows up twenty minutes later and cuddles me into the couch, making me feel less sad about my wayward plans tonight. I wanted to eat dinner with Max and watch a movie in his bed, but of course, he’s probably getting off with a very beautiful woman.

A woman who is not a guy. Who is not me.

But I can’t really blame him, and I have no right to be upset. Since meeting Max, I’ve been with several guys. I can’t judge him for wanting to get some.

I just wish I didn’t want that some to be with me.

When Max messages me a couple hours later, the television droning on as I doze, I nearly vault off the couch.

“What? What is it?” Coop asks, snorting awake.

“Jesus. It’s nothing,” I reply, trying like hell to play it cool. But Coop grabs my phone and then rolls his eyes.

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re going to run over to this guy the minute he lifts his finger?”

“I mean, I was planning on it. What if he needs me?”

“He doesn’t. He just got some and now he wants to use you to fill some vast emotional void in his life. Don’t let him. Come back here and cuddle me. I’m at least loyal.”

I roll my lips between my teeth and contemplate this. It’s true. I should make him wait. I should make him beg.

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