Page 86 of Except You

I want to be who he needs, but I don’t know if I’m good enough.

If I even deserve him.

“You okay?” Beau asks from the porch, his brow furrowed.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I say, running a hand through my hair and shoving my ball cap down over my forehead. I’ve been outside, digging these damnable holes for the trees. Beau has been in and out of my place, grocery shopping, cleaning, and doing laundry before finally sitting outside and reading.

“You were just standing there and staring off into the distance,” he says, and I meet his gaze.

“Was I? I was just thinking.”

He cocks his head and sighs. “Are you sure that’s it? Because something seems to be going on with you today. Is it nerves over seeing your brother again?”

I shake my head and swallow roughly. “No. I mean yes, but that’s not it.”

“Is it Matt? Did he contact you?”

“No,” I reply. I haven’t heard from my younger brother. A part of me aches from the loss, but another part of me is happy I don’t have to deal with his shit anymore. He must not have told Mitch or my parents what happened because none of them have reached out and nosed their way into my business.

And thank fuck for that. I just can’t deal with them at the moment. And I don’t want them in Beau’s orbit.

Beau moves down to where I am and takes the shovel from my hand. “Tell me. I don’t like this feeling of not knowing, especially with you.”

He looks so damn worried that I open my mouth to admit it, but then snap it closed again. It’s silly. He doesn’t need to worry about this. And a large part of me doesn’t want to admit to it.

Beau’s face falls and he nods. “Oh, okay, do you want me to go? Is that it? Have you changed your mind about this?”

He looks so unsure, so hurt that my tune immediately changes.

“No, fuck no. Stay, Bow-tie.”

His shoulders slump in relief and he nods. “Okay, are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. It’s just…” My cheeks flush hot. “…it’s a me issue, not a you issue.”

This only seems to make Beau more nervous. “Are you not feeling me anymore? Are you breaking this off?”

“Jesus, fuck no,” I blurt and then pull him into me. The shovel drops to the ground with a crash, but neither of us takes notice. “I’m nervous about giving you…giving you a blow job. I’ve been obsessing over it, honestly.”

He blinks his beautiful eyes at me and his brows meet in confusion.

“Is that what you’ve been worrying about all day?”

“Yeah,” I say and glance away from him. “I want to try it, but I’m so damn nervous.”

“Oh, Max. You don’t need to do that to me. I’m fine with what we’re doing.”

“Yeah, but all of the other guys you’re with do it. I want you to be happy.”

“I am,” he blurts. “Everyone likes different things. If you don’t ever want my dick in your mouth, that’s fine. I just want you to be present with me.” The way he reaches up and gently touches my cheek makes me nearly melt.

“Bow-tie.” It’s a whisper, a plea, and he stands on his tiptoes and kisses me softly.

“This is all I need from you. Your kisses, your time, I don’t need anything else.”

“Yeah, but you will. After a while, I may not be enough for you.”

“You will always be enough for me.”

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