Page 46 of Except You

I cannot be this hard for a guy. I cannot.

And yet here I am, trying like hell not to bolt from this bed and jack off in the bathroom. That’s a line I cannot cross.

I’m not gay.

I’m not.

Beau’s breathing evens out minutes later, and I roll onto my side, my hand grabbing on to my dick through my boxers. My bottom lip is between my teeth as I fight back a gasp, trying to control myself. I can feel the puffs of air from Beau on my neck as I try and wrangle myself under control.

But the longer I handle my dick, the worse it gets. It’s like a low boil deep in my abdomen and it spreads through my body until my heart is racing from need.

I can’t. I can’t stand it. I need to come.

I should get up, should do this in the privacy of the bathroom, but then Beau’s hand slips across my side and settles on my stomach, and I know that I can’t move.

I’m stuck here, and there’s only one thing left to do.

For my sanity.

I shift slightly, freeing my other arm, and slip my hand into my boxers, grabbing my hot length. It positively throbs against my palm. My legs straighten as I start to slowly shuttle my fist up and down my cock, not wanting to wake Beau with any frantic movements.

Not that he’s even awake. I can hear his soft snores, his face burrowed into my back. His fingers flex against my stomach, and I gasp slightly, loving the feel of his soft hands on me. I love him touching me. I just like Beau.

My abdomen flexes as I continue to jerk myself, realizing this is wrong and yet unable to stop. I’m so close. So damn close.

And I bring myself even closer to the edge when I conjure up Beau in that barn. His pants around his ankles, his head thrown back.

The sounds he made.

The groans.

If only it were me and not Diego who was with him in that moment.

The things I could have felt.

My body starts to tremble, and I turn my face into my pillow to keep the moan at bay. I bite at the fabric as my cock explodes in my hand, and I continue to jerk myself to completion.

And then I lie there, Beau still pressed against my back, my hand full of cum, my balls empty, and I wonder what the fuck is wrong with me.

Oh god, what the hell have I done?

I can’t look at Beau, and he knows something is wrong. But I can’t fucking meet his gaze without blushing.

I jacked off with him pressed against me, with his hand on my stomach.

Would he be upset if he knew?

Does this mean I’m gay?

Oh god, I’m a hypocrite. The things I’ve thought about Magnus, the things I’ve said.

I can’t fucking stand the guilt of it.

The way my mind spins.

I’m almost dizzy from it all.

“You okay over there?” Beau asks from the passenger seat as we make our way back home.

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