Page 104 of Mafia Darling

He watched me carefully, saying nothing.

“When your mother was killed I raised you myself. I can still remember the way you used to follow me around, playing with your trucks and cars in my office while I worked, asking me questions. I have loved you with every part of my heart. You are my sweet boy, the only good thing in my miserable life until Francesca came along.”

I stopped to clear my throat, afraid I was going to start crying too soon.

When I recovered, I said, “I wanted so many things for you. A wife, children. To carry on the legacy built by my grandfather and father, the legacy I’ve expanded upon. To be feared and respected throughout Europe as Don Ravazzani. But those were things I wanted. Things I demanded without giving you a choice.”

The beeps of the machines filled the silence when I couldn’t force out the words. Once I did, there was no going back.

As parents our job is to put our kids first. Always.

“My wife,” I started, “she is very wise. She sees things I do not, and she’s convinced me that I must let you choose. That your happiness depends on it.”

Giulio blinked a few times. “Choose? Choose, what?”

“Whether to take over as don one day.”

He stared at me, still as a statue. I wasn’t certain he was even breathing. “Is this a joke?” he asked.

“Absolutely not. I’m letting you decide your future. I would prefer that you decide quickly, though. Word can’t get out that there’s any question, any hesitation.”

“You are letting me leave? I can walk away from it?”

“Yes. That is what I am saying.”

“I can’t believe it.” He covered his mouth with a hand, then repeated, “I can’t believe it.”

I could see a light return to his eyes as he began to contemplate a future outside of the mafia. I didn’t wish to influence his decision but he had to understand the risks. “Giulio, before you decide, you must understand something.” I put my hand on his knee. “If you leave, you cannot come back. This isn’t like moving to another city or going off to university. You will no longer be a Ravazzani. You must change your name, your appearance. You can’t—”

My voice cracked and I couldn’t say it.

You can’t be my son any longer.

My lungs burned like the fires of hell were inside them. If he chose to leave, how was I going to bear it?

“Papà,” he whispered. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Talk to me. What are you thinking?”

He scrubbed his face with both hands. “I know Frankie is having a boy. You’ll have another son. And maybe he won’t be such a disappointment.”

My voice grew stronger. “You have never disappointed me, figlio mio, not a single day in your life. Whatever your decision, I will respect it. I will still love you and I will always be proud of you. But there’s no straddling these two worlds. You are either in or you’re out, and if you stay that means living a lie. To do otherwise puts you in grave danger.”

“And if I leave, I can be whoever I want. Go wherever I want. Date whoever I want.”

“Sì, that’s true.”

“Why can’t I come visit secretly? Or we could meet up somewhere.”

That he was asking this meant he’d already made his decision. I smiled sadly at him. “I will not put you at risk. Perhaps attitudes will change in the mafia in the coming years. Who can say? But I can’t make any promises. For your safety, you must go far away and live as someone else.”

He made a noise in his throat. “I wouldn’t even know where to go.”

“I hear Belgium is nice.”

He sucked in a harsh breath. “Papà . . . .”

“Don’t ask me more.”

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