Page 26 of Broken Hearts

“Well, you sacrificed us both, but at least you know what it was about. I still don’t see how what you did at the hospital saves us.” Even with all of his sweet words, it still wasn’t enough for me. He had hurt me so badly, I couldn’t stand it.

He sighed. “Because then you wouldn’t have to see how messed up I got when I was enlisted. I can’t function sometimes, and I didn’t want you to see that. I didn’t want to burden you with my mental problems.

I touched his face, willing him toward me, and I planted a kiss on his lips. He was slow to respond, but when he did kiss me back, it was full of nothing but emotions. “You are not messed up, Hal. You did a great thing over there for our country, and you paid the price. That doesn’t make me love you any less and it never will. I hope you know that. You don’t have to hide who you are and what you have been through for me. You never have to do that for me.”

He pulled me in against his body and I could feel the need that was rising up inside of him. I felt the same way, felt all of the same desires that I’d had before for Hal. I knew that we needed to be together in all ways, but I’d been afraid to get close to him. Hal was the sort that made it impossible to do much more with him than all of it. I loved him, wanted him, and I forgot myself for a time.

Someone cleared their throat behind us, and I jumped. I wasn’t expecting anyone, and I felt a wave of embarrassment and disappointment. It was one of the NICU nurses, and I couldn’t meet her gaze. What were we doing? I was so embarrassed I practically ran out of there.

22

Hal

Marilyn locked up when we were caught kissing, but I wasn’t going to let the moment be lost. I knew that I needed her, and I knew that there was nothing more that I was going to be able to do until I had her. I needed her badly, and there was nothing more that I could think about than Marilyn and me together. She was haunting me with desire and before I could stop myself, I was hatching a plan that I was sure was never going to work. “Why don’t we get out of here for a little while, Marilyn?”

She said that she didn’t want to go far, and I assured her that she wouldn’t have to go far at all. We walked the hallways enough here that I knew where everything was. I had found a few hidey holes that I was willing to give a try for some stolen moments. I knew that it was going to be great, I just had to convince her to come with me. It felt like we were finally over the large hurdle that was keeping it so difficult between us. No matter what I did, I hoped that there would be enough momentum to keep going. I didn’t want to think about how it would be if this was just how it was.

I pulled her into one of the rooms that never had people, at least not on this floor. Yes, it might be wrong that I’d been looking for a place to be alone with her the whole time, but it was hard to regret it. I really just needed her to see that I still wanted her, always had, and Marilyn opened up to me. By the time we got to the place I wanted her most, Marilyn had decided that she was going to be with me. When I turned around to her after the door shut, Marilyn’s lips were on me pretty quickly. She looked like she was ready for more attention than I was ready for. I just stared at her as she started to lose her shirt and the sweet niceties that she had. I about choked on my tongue. Damn she was more tempting than I remembered. That, or it had just been a really long time.

“Damn, Marilyn, you know I can’t think when you do that.” My eyes weren’t able to be dragged away from her. Did she know how beautiful she was?

She giggled and it was pretty clear that she liked the idea of that. I can’t say that I liked it at all. She was messing with me and while I liked that she was smiling, I was nervous. Every time I was around Marilyn for too long, I would lose the nerve I had and what I needed to do. I couldn’t do that again. She was so damn beautiful, and it had been so long since I’d had her. I almost lost her because I wasn’t able to be true about my real feelings. I was never going to make that mistake again.

I moved my hand behind me until I felt the doorknob and locked it. I wasn’t able to turn away, not even for a second, and I swear that there was just something in the way that Marilyn looked at me. She was happy to be there, it was clear enough, but it looked like all of her stress in the situation was gone as well. I liked the fact that she was smiling more, and that expression was almost enough to keep my eyes off of her. I was dying to see the rest of her body that was revealed to me, but the look she gave me was too innocent and real to ignore. I felt like I was losing myself in that moment looking at her. It was like I had to wonder what I had been doing my whole life. It felt like I hadn’t done anything that I was supposed to. I had wasted time. That’s what it was. Anything that didn’t have Marilyn in my arms was a waste of time.

“Aren’t you going to get naked?” Marilyn asked innocently. She could barely meet my gaze and I don’t know why, but that was even hotter. I touched under her chin gently, moving her face toward me. I wanted to see her full expression and for her to see mine.

“I don’t want our first time back together to be here,” I told her. I had it all played out in my head, and it didn’t go this way. I wanted to take time, have the perfect ambience. This wasn’t it, though she was making it pretty damn tempting. I was starting to change my mind and it was because of how she had shown it all.

Marilyn looked around the room and said that it was fine for our first time. I didn’t agree. I wanted it to be perfect and there was nothing perfect about this place. I wanted to take her home, in a bed that we shared. That was where I wanted to finally have her and when I said that. she waved me off. I guess I was being too sentimental. I wasn’t trying to be, I just wanted it to be the way it was supposed to be. Naturally, this was built up heavy in my head and I couldn’t help it.

“It might be a while until we are back to a regular bed. Are you willing to wait until then?” she asked, unsure if she should still be naked or not. I didn’t want to tell her that I would wait as long as I needed to. It was a shame to see her cover up her body with her hands. I didn’t want to see her cover up an inch, but if that were the case, I was going to have to do something. I was afraid to touch her, but I had to. I just had to stop. That was going to be the hard part.

“Just because I am not ready to get off here, doesn’t mean that we can’t do something about how you are feeling right now,” I told her with a sly grin.

Her eyes perked up and I could see that damn smile on her face again. Now what was I supposed to do? I needed that feeling she gave me so badly. I swear she made me feel like I was on top of the world, like I was never going to come back down. The pleasure she got from the two of us being together was addictive in and of itself.

It didn’t take long at all to get her up on a bed and her thighs wide open for me. It was the sort of sight that I loved to see, but it also sent a surge of blood to the lower parts of me. She was so ready for it, and I could see how badly she needed me to give it to her. Her legs were vibrating with want and desire. How badly I wanted to do the same thing and have every inch of her.

Instead, though, I knew that wasn’t going to be enough to do much of anything at all. This wasn’t the time or the place. This was the time where I was supposed to be generous, even if I didn’t want to be. I was sure that there was something wrong with the two of us being apart. It felt too good when we were together for anything else to be right. I couldn’t help how she made me feel. I needed to do the same for her, like it would somehow make her feel better about all of the times I had made decisions for the both of us, without even asking her what she wanted to do. Now, I could see that it should have always been the two of us working together and figuring it out together. It would have been so much easier if I would have known that. Everything would have been easier if I had figured out what was going on with the two of us a lot sooner. I couldn’t live in my regrets, but it was hard not to. All I could think about was the time that I’d lost, doing this…

My mind was on many things, but when I was inches from her core, her legs shaking and the rest of her poised to take all of me, I knew that I would never find anything this perfect again. It was all I could do to make it about her and not about fulfilling the needs that I had instead. I had some serious desires that were engulfing me, but it was just like I knew it would be impossible to go on when it came to living without her.

As I made her jump and jerk from my mouth and the grip that I had on her hips tightened, I thought of anything to get my mind off of what I was doing. While I wanted to be in the moment and to feel it for all that it was worth, the truth of it was that I had to distance myself from what my body was doing. Making love to Marilyn wasn’t the sort of thing that I could get away from. She felt too good and before too long, I was sure that I couldn’t wait to bury deep. It excited me to know that it would be so easy for the two of us to be together, but that I was able to say no. While she called out and squirted fluid on my hands and mouth, I did nothing to take away the throbbing in my own groin. It was enough to really make it worth my time.

Before I could really think it through, I finished her off because she was begging me. I looked down at her perfect form still writhing from need and pleasure. It was the sort of thing that drove me crazy. I had to look away and give her the clothes that she had carelessly discarded on the floor. What was I supposed to do with all of that? I was shell shocked and there was nothing I could do to help the way I felt. Marilyn finally asked me if I was alright and, of course, I said that I was fine. I couldn’t say that I really was though. Instead, I was dying for more and I didn’t turn back around until I was sure that she was dressed. Then, I would be able to think straight. It wasn’t the best idea that I had, but it was the only one.

I was about to say something clever, but Marilyn got a call on her cell phone, and it was from one of the nurses. She was worried for a minute, but it was just a call to let us know that Amelia was back. We were always there, so they knew that we wanted to know what was going on all the time.

It left something in the air as we made our way back to the hospital room that Amelia was staying in. I could feel that the tension between us was going to be harder to ignore than I thought. I wish I knew when we would be able to go home. I wanted us all to go back to my place as one big, happy family. That was all I could see it turning into. It was what needed to happen and as I looked over at Marilyn, I assured myself that I was going to make it happen, if it was the last thing that I did.

Epilogue

Marilyn

Three Months Later

It felt like forever before we were able to take Amelia home. She was our life, so we both stayed at the hospital where she was at. Hal would do work in the room and only left when he had a meeting to go to. I didn’t go into work at all. I was already scheduled for maternity leave; it just wasn’t at all what I thought it would be. It was also longer than I thought I would be out of it. I was only a mom for a few months, and I already knew that I wanted more than they were offering. I wondered quietly to myself while I tried to go to sleep to the beeping if I would ever get excited about my job again. I didn’t know if I would. I had always liked to help people and win, do a good job, but what if it all meant nothing to me now? I couldn’t think of it being more important than Hal and Amelia.

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