Page 57 of How to Date a Younger Man
“Then why can’t you look me in the eye when you say that?” Dr. Benson asks from her gray armchair, peering at me over her horn-rimmed glasses, her brows raised, her voice gentle and nudging.
And that’s exactly the problem. I don’t want to be nudged.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself before looking her in the eye. “Because the idea that Griffin and I should be in a serious relationship is ridiculous.”
Even as the words leave my mouth, I can hear the shadow of doubt in them. But honestly? I’m telling the truth.
Is there some small part of me that wishes he could be the kind of man I need him to be, to step up to the plate and be a supportive husband, and one day, a supportive father? You bet your ass there is. But I’ve known him for four years now, and I still haven’t found any concrete evidence that he wants that kind of future with me.
I’m pretty sure that all along he was just looking to get in my pants. And news flash: he finally did that.
Don’t get me wrong, I have no regrets on that front—the sex is mind-blowing, and even if it makes me a bad person, the fact that we have to keep it all a secret makes it even hotter. My point is, I’m happy with how things are, and there’s no way in hell I’m about to start messing with it now.
“And you’re sure that your . . . certainty on the matter has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Griffin has a promising job offer in New York?”
Goddammit, I hate it when she sees right through me.
A pang of anxiety hits me at the mention of his exciting new opportunity, the same one I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about from the second he told me about it. I did my best to sound happy for him. Hell, I even encouraged him to go. But on the inside, a part of me split in half. He wants to leave, and just when things between us are picking up. If that’s not a sign that he doesn’t want anything serious with me, then I don’t know what is.
I chew the inside of my lip for a moment, holding Dr. Benson’s quizzical gaze before I finally break down. “Okay, fine. Maybe it has something to do with that.”
“Mm-hmm. And how are you feeling about the possibility that he might be relocating?”
“Oh, I don’t know. A lot of different things. From a career perspective, I’m over the moon for him. Grad school is hard work, so it’s great that he’s seeing positive results come out of that.”
I pause, hoping she’ll let me off the hook with that answer. But who am I kidding? She’s my therapist. And kind of a hard-ass. She never lets me off the hook.
“And what about other perspectives? Your personal, more romantic one, perhaps?”
I shift in my seat, re-crossing my legs, and stare at that damn motivational poster on the wall, the turtle my trusty focal point for those moments in therapy when I don’t know what to say. Or in this case, when I don’t want to tell her about whatever it is she might be leading me to tell her about.
She clears her throat so softly, she could easily deny that she even did it. But I know this move from her. She does it whenever I avoid answering. Another one of the subtle ways she likes to nudge our appointments along.
“Personally . . . I’m not so thrilled. I guess the idea of him leaving feels like an end to something that just started between us.”
“But he might not take the job.”
“It’s a great opportunity. He’d be crazy to turn it down.”
“That may be true, but why don’t we consider for a moment the possibility that he wouldn’t be crazy to turn it down. Can you think of any reasons why he might want to stay?”
Crossing my arms, I take a moment to breathe so I don’t sigh for the third time in ten minutes. I’m trying to be mature and play along with this whole therapy thing, but the more she steers me in this direction, the less I want to play along.
“Look, I can see where you’re going with this. I just don’t think he’s interested in turning this fling into a real relationship.”
“Why not?”
“Isn’t it obvious? If that’s what he was looking for, he wouldn’t be applying for jobs out of state. He’d be looking for opportunities nearby, or at the very least, opportunities that wouldn’t make us long distance for an indefinite amount of time.”
“Maybe he did. Maybe he hasn’t heard back from those companies yet.”
“Still, though. Why would he tell me about this one? Why would he even be seriously considering it?”
