Page 43 of You & Me: Part One

“You just visiting or do you live here too?”

“I just moved back into town this week. Alex came down and made the drive with me and Cami this past weekend. I’ll be staying with Mickey for a while.”

Great, she’ll be living in my neighborhood. That’s just fucking karma for ya right there. And who the fuck is Alex?

“Cool.”

My one-word answer makes her uncomfortable and she starts playing with her dragonfly necklace, just like she always did when she was nervous.

“You still have your necklace, I see,” I say with a nod of my head in the direction of her hand on the necklace.

Her hand stops moving and she says so quiet that I can barely hear her. “You remember?”

“I remember everything about those nine days, Gracie. I always told you that there wasn’t anything you did or said that I didn’t remember. And I remember it all. Right up to the last minute.”

Fix You

Emily

Standing in the stairwell of Kells, it feels like my worst nightmare has come to life. I’m finally face to face with Jonathan again—just like he said we would be—and he hates me.

“I remember everything about those nine days, Gracie. I always told you that there wasn’t anything you did or said that I didn’t remember. And I remember it all. Right up to the last minute,” he growls. This is not the way I had always dreamed this would go. No, this is right out of my nightmares. It’s almost like I can hear disgust in his voice.

Not knowing what else to say I reply. “You do?”

He’s now talking through his teeth like he’s seething. He leans forward, just inches from my face, and says with all the barely contained rage that I can feel radiating off of his body. “It wasn’t me that wanted to say goodbye and not try the long distance thing. That was all you, sweetheart. I don’t tell somebody I’m in love with them and then just leave them blowing in the wind. No . . . that would be the way you do things, sugar.”

I just stare at him. Who is this person standing in front of me? Where is the Jonathan that I fell in love with? He looks like my Georgia and smells like my Georgia, but his eyes seem dark and he looks tired and seems so angry.

Then with so much venom I nearly jump from the sting of it he asks, “So, you still not available?”

Not answering him I just say, “I have to go!” and run up the stairs forgetting that I ever needed to use the bathroom. I resolve not to shed a tear in front of him or in front of anybody in this bar.

I see Riley behind the bar once I am back upstairs and ask him if he’s seen Cami and Alex. He points in Cami’s direction with a concerned look on his face. I don’t give him a chance to ask if I am okay, but I do ask him to call us a cab and I turn to find my best friend.

I find her talking to Devon and Gabby and it only takes one look for her to know I need to leave. She knows me better than anybody and with a quick goodbye to the happy couple and a text to Alex—who will get a ride home with her boyfriend that met her there—she and I are out the door. I hate that she was with Devon. I hate that he could see how upset I was and I am sure will tell Jonathan. This night just keeps getting better.

I manage to keep it together until we’re in the cab, but the moment the door closes, the tears fall.

“He hates me, Cam. I knew he would and he does,” I sob into my hands. Cami brings her arm around my shoulder and pulls me into her so she can hold on to me while I fall apart.

“Emily, he doesn’t hate you. You were just the first bad thing in a string of worse things that happened to him, and I’m sure seeing you brought it all back to the surface for him,” she says as she pulls away but keeps rubbing my back. I am so confused.

“What are you talking about, Cam?”

Her eyes fill with tears and I can tell that what she has to say isn’t good. Cami is strong, but even this is hard for her.

“Well, Devon just told me that while they were in Afghanistan, Matt was killed in an IED explosion, and as their squad leader Jonathan takes the blame and still hasn’t forgiven himself.”

“Oh God! No! Not Matt . . . Oh God Cami . . . Poor Jonathan . . . Devon too. That’s horrible.” I have this instant need to turn the cab around and run back to him and hold him. But I think he made it pretty clear that’s not what he would want.

“That’s not all, sweetie. Two months later, Jonathan lost his mom. Apparently, she had been sick when he was home, but she didn’t tell him and he had no idea at all. It totally blindsided him and Devon says he hasn’t been himself since. So you see, chica, he lost you, Matt and his mom in a matter of months. He doesn’t hate you, you just remind him of the worst time in his life.”

“Oh my God, Cami!” I feel like I can’t breathe.

“I didn’t mean that to sound so harsh, Em. I just want you to know that he doesn’t hate you. If he didn’t love you as much as he did, losing you wouldn’t have been up there with losing Matt and his mom, but according to Devon it is.”

I sit in the back of the cab and I sob. No wonder the Jonathan I knew was gone. His mom was his everything and he loved Matt like a brother. The fact that he couldn’t save either of them has to be too much for him to even come to terms with. The fact that I could have anything to do with any of his pain is almost too much for me. My poor Georgia.

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