Page 49 of You & Me: Part One

He takes a big inhale and slowly lets out the breath and shares his story with me.

“Wow, okay this is hard. Um, while we were in Afghanistan, I lost my mom. Apparently she’d been sick when I had been back to visit her the week before I met you, but she didn’t tell me. She said she didn’t want me worried or to take my mind off my missions. I was so angry, Em. How could she have not told me? She was all I had and she knew she was dying and she didn’t let me be there for her.”

I can’t help but reach out and take his hand.

“I am so sorry for your loss, Jonathan. I know how much she meant to you, how much you loved her . . .” I say while holding back my unshed tears.

He squeezes my hand, then lets go to scrub his face with his hands and then runs them through his hair. I can tell he’s trying to collect himself before he goes on. It’s clear this is all still hard for him.

“They sent me home from the desert for a week to make arrangements and then I had to fly back after the funeral. I don’t know what I would have done without Liam and his family being there to help me figure it all out.”

“The Fanuas, right?”

“Wow, nice memory,” he says with a little smile before he grows somber again. “Yep, Mr. and Mrs. F pretty much did everything. They knew mom was sick, but she made them promise not to tell me. I know they feel horrible about it now, but it’s not their fault and I don’t blame them at all. So, anyway I finished my tour and then came back to Camp Pendleton for the last couple of months, as planned, and then I got out and went back to Savannah. It was too hard to be there. Without my mom there it just didn’t feel like home. I had the Fanuas and I had friends from high school, but being there just didn’t feel like home. I had been saving money for years to buy my mom her dream house and now she wasn’t there.”

“Oh, Jonathan,” I say because I don’t know what else to say.

“So, after being home a month Devon could tell when we talked that I wasn’t in a good place and he suggested I move out here. He offered me his spare room and I knew that Portland State had a really good Criminal Justice program so . . . I went for it. I didn’t stay in his spare room long. I had my savings, so I got an apartment close to school at first and then after I knew the city better and had my group of friends I ended up moving out here to Happy Valley. I built my dream house and something my mom would have loved. It just felt right. The house may be too big for me and Frances, but I feel like in some way I kept my promise to my mom even though she isn’t here to enjoy it.”

“She would be so proud of you, Jonathan.”

He looks a little embarrassed at my compliment and I can’t help but think how cute he is all embarrassed like this. It’s nice to see him blush for a change, instead of me.

“Thanks, but I think she’d be more proud that I got my degree. I had gone to two years of community college before joining the Corps and then two years at PSU while working the road with Portland PD. So, I’ve been with the department for four years. The first two were crazy with school and work, but I got through it.”

“I’m so happy for you, Georgia! Degree, check! Job, check! House, check! You are checkin’ off all those life goals! Good for you and you’re right. Your mom would be proud of you for getting your degree.”

My phone buzzes and I glance down. It’s a number I don’t recognize. I don’t answer it and let it go to voicemail.

“You can get that if you need to.”

“It’s an unknown number, so it’s okay. Probably just a misdial.”

“So, what’s it like to have Mickey Jacobs as your big brother?”

With that a light conversation starts and just like the old days we talk and talk and talk. I feel like I’m with the old Jonathan, minus a little bit of that light he had about him. I understand why that is now. I would love to have the magic wand that could change it all and add that light back to his beautiful, yet somber eyes of his. His light may be gone, but he’s still just as attractive as ever. He still has that natural tan about him, and his short dark hair is a little longer now that he isn’t sporting a military length. He’s still in great shape, if not a little bigger. More built. He is a fine specimen, no doubt.

After some time, Frances starts to pant and Jonathan picks up her water bowl and excuses himself to go get her some more water.

While he’s inside, I decide to check the voicemail of the unknown number and wish I hadn’t. A voice I haven’t heard in years fills my ears. Just as the message is ending, Jonathan is back and sitting across from me. He must be able to tell that the call has disturbed me because as soon as I put the phone down on the table he takes my hand in his.

“Em, you okay?”

The gentle touch of his hand is enough to calm me.

“It was my dad.” I can hear the shake in my voice as I continue, “I haven’t talked to him in years. He found out I moved back home and he wants to get together.”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know, Jonathan. I just haven’t been able to forgive him yet. Not only did he make my entire childhood a lie, but he just quit being our dad once he had a new family. I know I am twenty-six now and not that pre-teen kid he left but it’s a little late for me,” I say with a shrug.

With those soul piercing hazel eyes of his, he makes sure he has my attention when he says, “Emily, you wait until you’re ready. I do think that one day you’ll probably need to see him and tell him how you feel and maybe let him explain, but do it when you’re ready and do it for yourself. One thing I’ve learned is that life is short, Em. You never know from one day to the next what might happen.”

“Jonathan, I heard about Matt . . . I am so sorry for your loss.” I blurt out as I grip on to his hand even tighter to let him know that if he wants to talk, I’m here.

“Thanks, Em. Let’s save that for another time though. Right now you and I are getting to know each other again and we’re talking about you and your dad.”

“You know what, can we not talk about my dad? I am sure you already know all about him. In fact, I’m sure you’ve met him if you hang around Kells.”

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