Page 101 of You & Me: Part Two

“Sweetheart, I think that is a beautiful idea. Why don’t you leave Ireland here though? She might still be just a little too young to understand all that. Besides, it will give you and Emily some alone time. We’d be happy to watch Ireland if Emily’s okay with it.”

I get up, walk around the big kitchen island and give Fiona a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I would do without either of you. Liam I could do without, but you two I’ll keep.”

I give Fiona a big grin and Robert one of his winks back to him, then head to the bathroom to change and go for a run before the girls are up. It may be November, but the weather here this early in the morning is already around sixty. Perfect weather for a run.

When I get back, I hear the sweet voice of my little Princess coming from the kitchen. She’s sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar chatting Fiona’s ear off while she eats cereal in her pajamas. She is so freaking cute I can hardly stand it. This little girl has taken hold of my heart and will not let go.

She sees Fiona’s eyes flicker my way. She follows her gaze and spots me and yells, “Jonafon!” She points to the shirt of her pajama’s and says, “Gobble, gobble,” just like her shirt says.

I kiss the top of her head and say, “Happy Thanksgiving to you too, Princess! Did you sleep well?”

“I did. Too bad you had to sleep on the couch. Mommy and I have a comfy bed and got to snuggle.”

“You have no idea how jealous of you I am, sweet girl. Speaking of your momma, where is she?”

Ireland’s mouth is now full of sugary goodness so Fiona interjects. “She’s in the shower, honey. Can I get you anything for breakfast?”

“Sure. I’ll have what she’s having,” I say as I take the seat next to Ireland at the breakfast bar.

I hold Emily’s hand as we walk from Fiona’s car towards my mom. I don’t know why, but I feel nervous. I don’t know if it’s because I wonder if Emily will think this is all a bit strange? I mean it’s not every day your boyfriend takes you to a cemetery to introduce you to his dead mother, but this is important to me for some reason. The nerves could also be because I haven’t been back here in a couple of years. I have some guilt over that.

I can see her headstone some distance before we get to it, and my emotions start to swell inside of me. Sadness over the loss of my mother. Guilt for being gone so long. Pride in Emily. And joy that I get to share my happiness with the one person who wanted it for me more than anybody else.

We approach the graveside that reads:

Caroline Joy Kelly

Beloved mother, wife, sister, and friend

1965 - 2010

“I’ll love you always and forever and wherever I may be.”

I slow down and Emily squeezes my hand and asks. “Would you like some time by yourself first? I can go sit on that bench and you can come get me when you’re ready if you want.”

The love and support in her eyes are what I need to calm my racing heart.

I squeeze her hand back and say, “No, please stay. I’m kind of a mess right now and I’d like it if you stayed.”

“I’d love to. Here, let’s get this cleaned up a bit,” she says as she releases my hand and walks towards mom’s headstone. She brushes away all of the leaves and other random pieces of nature that have landed on it. I think it’s her way to also give me a minute of space, even though I said I didn’t want it. She knows me so well.

Once she’s finished, she takes the blanket that’s draped across my arm and spreads it out in front of us. She stands there with me waiting for me to make the move to sit. She’s leaving this all to me, and not forcing me to do anything I’m not ready to. She lightly rubs her hand up and down my back until I take two steps forward and sit down on the blanket. Joining me, she sits next to me on my side, but turns her body so she’s facing me.

The blanket that Fiona sent with us was my mom’s favorite. It was a Christmas gift from me my senior year of high school. She uses her hands to flatten it so she can read it clearly, and I can see exactly when she notices the words on it.

“Every night when I was little and she tucked me into to bed, my mom would whisper it to me. It was always a whisper or said into my ear when she hugged me goodbye. I had this blanket made for her my senior year. She loved it. It was in her will that we put these words on her headstone so that every time any of us came to visit, we would remember that she still loves us wherever she may be.”

“I think that’s beautiful. Your mom sounds like she was a pretty amazing woman, honey.”

I just nod in reply because I can’t speak. I can feel the emotion taking hold of me and I am not sure that I can keep it in any longer. Emily keeps her eyes trained on mine, and I swear she reaches the deepest parts of my soul with those eyes of hers. She can see that I’m barely hanging on. She reaches over and brushes her hand through my hair. “It’s okay to let it out, baby. I’m here. I’ll catch you. I’m. Right. Here.”

Her words are all it takes to open up the flood gates and my unshed tears begin to fall. She pulls herself closer to me and quietly holds me while I cry. Once the tears start they just won’t stop. I’m no longer just crying, I’m sobbing, but she keeps holding on to me. Before I know it she has positioned us so that I’m now lying with my head in her lap and she is stroking my hair.

She doesn’t say anything.

She just comforts me with her love and her touch.

---