Page 78 of You & Me: Part Two

I brace myself, worrying my necklace as I approach Mick’s table. The few people that were sitting with him when I first spotted him have left the table, and it’s just he and I when I approach him.

“So, Emmers…is there something you wanna tell me?” Mick seethes. I expected his anger, but it shocks me.

Shocked as I am, I play dumb and say, “Mick, we were just dancing. Not sure what you mean?”

“I’m not stupid, Em. And if that was just a dance…in public…at a wedding…then I’m going to kill Kelly right here and now, but I think there was more to it than that. Are you guys together, Em?”

The moment I’ve been dreading is here and I feel myself panic. I can’t breathe. I don’t know why this is so hard for me, but in the next moment when I could finally break down my last barrier and move on with my life, I fuck it up, just like I always do.

“What? No, Mick! You know I don’t do relationships. He’s just some fun, for now. He’s a nice guy and I deserve some fun, don’t I?”

Mick looks over my head just as I hear Jonathan practically spit, “Fuck this!” from behind me.

I still and freeze on the spot that I’m standing; too scared to turn around and see the hurt on his face. Hurt on the face of the man who has offered himself to me and my daughter, and has declared that I am his and he is mine. Two minutes ago I couldn’t have been closer to him, and with this one false statement, I have ruined it all.

“I think somebody else may have had a different answer to my question, Emmers,” Mick says with a look of anger and pity all rolled up into one.

I slowly turn and see Jonathan’s back retreating through the exit doors. With tears in my eyes, I take off after him as fast as I can in these stupid ass shoes I’m wearing.

I finally catch up to him in the parking garage just as he’s opening the driver’s side door of his truck. I yell his name, and he turns to look at me with nothing but rage etched across his face. It’s a look I’ve never seen on his face before, and one I hope I never see again.

Once he sees me he yells from across the garage. “I cannot believe I did this to myself again. I should have fucking known better. I have never been anything but honest with you. I let you in, and I don’t let anybody in! I have always been honest with you and thought it was clear that I needed that in return. Just last night you lied to me and let me believe I had a chance at happiness. I cannot believe I fucking did this to myself again. My bad, Em. I knew better, didn’t I?”

He slams the truck door and leaves me standing in the parking garage alone and desperate to take back the last five minutes of my life. What the fuck have I done?

27

Emily

I wake up to a tapping on my head and a sweet little voice.

“Mommy, I’m home,” Ireland whispers as she continues to tap me on the forehead.

“Hey, baby girl,” I say with closed eyes. Why is she home so dang early?

I open my eyes and lift my head to the doorway of my room where my mom is leaning against the door frame.

“Rough night?”

“Miserable night, but not what you think. What time is it?”

“It’s eleven o’clock.”

“Crap, I am so sorry. I was up all night. Mom…I am so stupid…I messed up.”

“Ireland, sweetie why don’t you go in your room for a minute while I talk to your mom.”

“Okay, Grandma.”

Ireland leaves the room, and my mom comes and sits next to me on my bed. My phone is plugged in and lying on the bed next to me. I tried to call Jonathan all night long. I texted him letting him know how sorry I was, and that I didn’t mean what I said to Mick. That I knew what a bitch I was. I sent another text letting him know that I had told Mick everything, starting with meeting in San Clemente, and up to the moment that I ruined everything.

“Talk to me, Emily. What’s happened?”

I fill my mom in on everything since we last talked at Mick’s BBQ. She doesn’t speak, just listens. When I finish my story, she pushes some of my wild hair behind my ear and gives me a little smile.

“You did mess up, Emily. I can’t imagine how bad hearing those words must have hurt him. He needs some time to cool off, but I am sure he’ll talk to you, sweetie. You two have too much history to throw it all away. You need to show some humility and explain it all to him once he’s ready to listen.”

My mom ends up sticking around and makes lunch for Ireland, Mick and myself. She and I watch a movie with Ireland, but I just sit and think about Jonathan. After spending every day of the last week with him, I miss him terribly. Not only do I have the guilt of hurting him, but I miss him.

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