Page 19 of Useless Love

“Of course. If you become my wife, who else do you think I’ll be fucking?”

My cheeks instantly flush, and I shift uncomfortably in my seat. Carmine is smiling at me, but it's not as sweet as it was before. He looks a bit hungry.

“Ready to order?” The server asks, suddenly appearing at our table.

I'm having trouble speaking, so Carmine orders for both of us. “Two ciabatta sandwiches,” he says.

I'm kind of happy the server interrupted us, and wish he would stay here longer. Being alone with Carmine makes me nervous, and not just because I'm still lying to him about who I am. Father was right…I'm having trouble handling him. He's a very dominant man.

“What are your plans for the rest of today?” he asks, grabbing my attention again as the server leaves.

“I’m going to Saint Mary’s church.”

He laughs. “Church. It’s not fucking Sunday. Who else died?”

I smile, biting my bottom lip.

“There it is. I like to see you smile.” Carmine says.

My heart is throwing in my ears, and I really like the way he's looking at me now.

But before I can ask when he has ever seen me smile, he continues, “Why are you going to Saint Mary's?”

“It’s mostly for selfish reasons. I use the church as a place to talk through my concerns. Whenever something is troubling me, I go daily.”

“Daily?”

“Yes. Well, I don't go just to trouble them with my problems. I also volunteer at the church. I participate in every food and coat drive I can. I also help with building projects and the community outreach program.”

He crosses his strong arms, making his biceps flex beneath the suit. He nods. “Feeling guilty about belonging to, uh, your family's organization and desperately trying to clean your hands?” I stare at him, and Carmine quickly adds, “I don’t mean any offense. I understand if that's your intention. We all need some forgiveness.”

I shrug. “None taken. My childhood friend John asked the same thing many years ago.”

“John? What’s the last name?”

“Rossi.”

“Rossi? Vito and Caesar's brother? Are you close to him?”

“Yes, John and I were once extremely close.”

Our server returns with our sandwiches, so Carmine and I stop talking for a moment. When he’s gone, I reach for my sandwich and take a bite. I glance up and notice Carmine hasn’t even touched his food.

His brows are lowered. “Just how close were you to Rossi?”

I start laughing, covering my mouth so I don’t spit food out.

“What’s funny?” he says, looking dead-serious.

“I’ve known John since I was in diapers. We haven’t spoken in years.” I lock eyes with Carmine, kind of touched that he’s already feeling jealous. “He’s almost a priest now, you know.”

Now it’s his turn to look away. Then he mumbles under his breath, “Next time, lead with that.”

The rest of our lunch is anxiety-free. Thankfully, Carmine doesn’t ask what I like to do, my favorite colors, or anything like that. I’d have to remember to tell him things that Arianna likes, and I might slip up. Carmine and I just eat and talk about casual things. It turns out we both like basketball, so he insists we should see a game together one day.

Towards the end of the meal, he looks at his watch and announces that work demands his attention.

“Thanks for lunch, Carmine,”I say as we leave the cafe.

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