Page 83 of Useless Love

“I know we’ve been engaged, but I never quite made it official since you’ve been lacking something. This is my way of making up for that.”

I start to cry as he opens the box and shows me the large diamond ring waiting inside.. He removes the ring and shows me the engraving on the inside of the platinum: Forever Mine.

I stifle a sob. “Forever yours?”

He looks uncomfortable, but he’s smiling. “Yes. Forever.” He slides the ring on my finger, the diamond sparkling in the sunshine.

“Carmine, it’s beautiful,” I say before throwing myself into his arms. He holds me gently, and I build up the courage to continue. “Carmine, I love you so much.” It’s out now, and I can’t run away from it.

Carmine falls silent, looking at me with a furrowed brow.

I try to pull away. Maybe I revealed my feelings too soon. “You…um, don’t have to say—” Before I can finish, he starts kissing me until I am weak in the knees. He scoops me up and lays me on the sand, wrinkling his suit and getting it dirty as he lays over me. He kisses me long and slow as waves lap at the sand close by.

After a long time of kissing, he pulls back, looking down at me. “I don’t know anything about love. But I know what I feel for you is different from anything I’ve ever felt, which makes it scary. Give me some time to—”

I put one finger over his lips. “Carmine, I can wait. Just because I love you doesn’t mean you have to love me back. I just want you to know I’m looking forward to being your wife. Knowing I’m yours forever makes me the happiest I’ve ever felt.”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t—”

I kiss him, not wanting him to worry about not loving me back. I can wait for him to get comfortable.

“Just give me a bit of time,” he says. “To get my head straight. To get all my feelings for you straight in my head.”

“What are your feelings currently?”

“I want to keep you happy. To make you writhe with joy at night and smile while reaching for my hand during the day. I want to…”

“We have that now, Carmine,” I insist. “And that’s all that matters.”

“Yes, but I want to be sure it will last.”

I’m so deliriously happy but my stomach twists—is he having doubts? He might start doubting his feelings so much that he changes his mind. And I can’t lose him, not after everything we’ve been through, how much I fought to be his and keep him safe.

“Let's get married today,” I blurt out. “Let’s go to a justice of the peace and become husband and wife so we don’t have to wait any more. We can give our families the big ceremony in three months, but I want to be yours fully. Mind, heart…body…”

His mouth opens as he stares at me. I can tell he likes the part about giving him my body because I can now feel his erection pressing into my thigh. But his face looks uncertain and startled.

In truth, I’m scared that something will come between us, mostly Arianna. If not her, then Carmine could find out I lied and never speak to me again. It’s too much of a risk to wait longer. I pray to God that He and Carmine will forgive me for rushing things for selfish reasons, but I just love him so much. I need him. So many things make me want to marry him before we go back to New York.

“I’m sure I can convince my father to give his approval,” I add when Carmine doesn’t reply.

He moves off me, sitting in the sand and gazing out at the ocean deep in thought. I’m worried because maybe I’m asking for too much. He just admitted that his feelings scare him, and now I’m asking him to get married ASAP.

I sit back on my heels. “I’m sorry. I spoke too soon. It’s okay if—”

“All of you?” he asks, giving me a side eye.

I blush, nodding.

He pounces, pushing me back into the sand and kissing me. “Fuck yes,” he growls against my mouth, and I succumb to him.

After I’m delirious from kisses and worried Carmine will do something inappropriate on this public beach, I push him back gently. “I’ll call Father right now.”

“Please, hurry,” he teases.

I’ve never schemed before, but to keep Carmine, I had to do it. Please god forgive me. As I stand and dust sand off my legs and arms, I’m so guilty I feel a little sick. But Carmine will forgive me in time…right?

There’s no going back now, so I pull out my phone and call Father.

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