Page 36 of June First

Bubbles.

June announces with pride, “I couldn’t find your elephant friend, but Mama found this picture in the attic, so I did my best. He’s not lost anymore. He’ll live in this picture with you forever.”

I look up at her, silent and stunned. I’m not sure what I was expecting to find, but it wasn’t this. I open my mouth to speak, to thank the Baileys for such a kind gift, but nothing comes out. My words are stuck in my throat like caramel.

So I just trail my eyes around the room again. I suck in a breath.

And then…

I cry.

I can’t help it.

Emotion seizes me, and I clutch the ornament in one hand, while my other hides my face from the worried onlookers. I cry so hard, I don’t even know where the tears come from. It’s been so long since I’ve cried like this.

A loving arm wraps around my shoulders, followed by a voice. A soothing voice. A voice that reminds me of my mom, which only makes me cry harder. “Oh, Brant…I’m sorry, sweetheart. We didn’t mean to make you cry…”

I know they didn’t mean it. They meant to give me a precious thing, and I’m making them feel bad. Sniffling, I swipe at my eyes and lift my head, my bottom lip still quivering. “Th-thank you. I’m sorry I got sad. I just…I miss her a lot.”

Theo pats my back, his own eyes looking watery. “Want to hang it on the tree?”

I nod.

Rising to my feet, I wipe away a few more stray tears and approach the artificial pine. Mr. Bailey speaks up from the couch, and when I glance at him, I think maybe he was crying, too.

“Why don’t we hang it at the top?” he suggests, joining me, reaching for the ornament. “Right beneath the glowing star.”

“Okay,” I say, sniffling.

He holds me up high, allowing me to place the ornament on the tree, and we both take a step back. A smile replaces my sadness. It almost feels like she’s looking down on me.

June tugs at my pajama shirt, so I dip my head to give her my attention. She’s holding Aggie in her arms. “You can sleep with Aggie tonight,” she tells me in a sweet voice. “He always helps me feel better when I’m sad or scared.”

The sentiment almost makes me cry all over again. I hold in the tears, forcing a smile. “That’s kind of you, Junebug, but he’s your friend. I’ll be okay.”

“Will you tuck me in?”

Mrs. Bailey nods her approval as Theo races to the couch and hops onto his father’s lap. They both laugh, and the image tickles my heart. I sigh. “Sure, I will. Let’s go.”

We traipse down the hallway to her bedroom. I watch as June leaps into her bedcovers, bouncing atop the mattress with a big smile. She snuggles beneath the blankets, curling up into a ball. “I’m sorry you got sad, Brant. Did something bad happen to your mama? Is that what Monica Porter was talking about in the tree house?”

I chew on the inside of my cheek as I settle down beside her. “Yeah, it is. But I don’t want to talk about that right now,” I say softly. “I really love the gift. It made me cry in a good way.”

“A good way?”

“Yes. It was so thoughtful, and I felt a lot of love in that moment. Sometimes a lot of love can make you cry.”

Her brow furrow. “I don’t cry about love.”

“Maybe you will someday.”

“That doesn’t sound so good. I don’t think I want a lot of love.”

“It’s a good thing to have,” I tell her. “The downside is, the more love you have, the harder it is to lose it.”

Her little pink lips pucker as she contemplates my words. I don’t think she understands, but I don’t expect her to. June is still so young, immune to the hard consequences of love. The parts that hurt. Right now she’s only experienced the beauty of it.

“Good night, Junebug,” I whisper, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. “Dream of june bugs flying high over the rainbow, lemon drops, and chimney tops.”

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