Page 32 of Need

Again, she nodded.

I picked up the journal I’d given her, and opened it. I read the last few entries picking up from where I’d left off the last time. “I see you’ve written every day. That’s good,” I said, running a comforting hand up her arm. Even sitting here with her in my arms, it was not close enough.

I continued to read. Her entries caused a full feeling to settle in my chest. She wrote about everything from our make out session in the chair the other night when she’d felt my obvious need for her, to her workout with Brad a few days ago. It seemed he had taken to teasing her about her blushing every time he mentioned my name. I was amazed by her unusual reaction to the personal trainer. She didn’t feel threatened by him in the slightest. Brad had a very easygoing demeanor even if he was a demanding trainer. It was the only explanation I had for her view of him.

She seemed confused by her feelings in regard to me, and I couldn’t help but smile. She liked to feel my touch and when I wasn’t near, she anxiously awaited our reunion. Her description of our kissing made me want to forget our talk and pick up where we’d left off the other night. I couldn’t dismiss the other parts she’d written. The feelings she was having toward me frightened her in many ways, but she desired them at the same time. For the most part, her feelings mirrored my own. The only difference was that I understood what they were. I loved her.

There was also her mention of the fear she had of being my submissive. It was laced through almost every reference to me right alongside all the positive things she was feeling. I needed to find some way to alleviate that fear.

When I finished reading, I closed the journal and laid it to the side. “What is it that scares you the most regarding me?” I could see the wheels turning in her head as she considered the question. She really would make a very good submissive.

“I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to be what you want me to be.”

“And what do you think that is?”

“You want to do stuff to me,” she whispered. “What if I can’t...” Her breathing was picking up its pace.

“Relax, Brianna,” I said in a soothing voice. “Remember what I said about communication? If I don’t know what you’re feeling or why, then this isn’t going to work. Lack of communication is really the only thing that will make this not work.”

A few seconds passed before her body began to relax again.

“Good girl. Now, let me tell you some of the things I enjoy and you can tell me if it’s completely distasteful to you.” She didn’t respond, but I knew she was listening. “When I used to come home and you’d be kneeling there waiting, ready to serve me, it would please me to see you there like that. How you smile when you serve me my dinner, or taking such pleasure in doing something for me. I enjoy you sitting in my lap while I pet your hair and caress you. Do those things sound distasteful to you so far?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“Good,” I said, taking the opportunity to act on one of the things I’d just mentioned and ran my fingers through her hair as if she were a pet or a small child.

“But you said...”

When she stopped in midsentence, I prompted her. She needed to learn to complete her sentences, but I was hoping that would come in time as her fear subsided. “Continue.”

“What about the cane?”

“That’s something we would work up to as you become more comfortable with me and what we do together.” I brushed the hair away from her face as I spoke. “You seem very scared of sex in general, which given your history is understandable. I think that’s what we need to work on first.” I felt her tense. “Shhh. Relax. I’m not going to jump you.” I chuckled.

Her muscles began to release their tension once again, but I needed to ask. “Is this something you want, Brianna? I can show you that sex can be very pleasurable, but it has to be something you want.”

“I... want to know what everyone talks about.” Again, it came out more as a question, but then she added, “I don’t get it. Sex isn’t fun. It doesn’t feel good,” she whispered.

“Oh, but it can be,” I said, tilting her face up to mine. “You know how you feel when I kiss you? That feeling of energy building up inside of you? It feels good, doesn’t it?” I didn’t wait for her to answer. “Just imagine that feeling continuing to get bigger and bigger until it explodes, leaving every muscle in your body feeling as though you no longer have bones to support them,” I whispered against her lips. “It’s an amazing feeling, Brianna. I want to show you.”

My lips brushed against hers. I’d been trying to bring all those pleasant feelings she’d written about in her journal to the surface. It looked as though I’d succeeded. Her lids were heavy. Her breathing was labored. Her body was unconsciously leaning into mine. Perfect.

“Have you ever had an orgasm, Brianna? Have you ever felt that explosion?”

It took her a moment. She swallowed. “No,” she whispered. “I don’t... think... so?” she squeaked.

“Well, we will just have to fix that, won’t we?” I said, placing a hard kiss on her lips before pulling back and getting up from the bed. She looked at me in confusion. “I need to go out for a while. I’ll be back in about an hour. If you need me before I return, call my cell. All right?”

“Okay,” she answered, still plainly confused. And aroused. Just how I wanted her.

I turned on my heel and left Brianna sitting somewhat dazed on her bed. It would be very interesting to read what she wrote in her journal tonight.

Chapter Eight

Brianna

I was so confused.

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