Page 4 of Need

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. “I know that, Logan,” I said through gritted teeth. “Do you think I don’t know that?” Realizing I was raising my voice, I took a deep breath to calm myself down. “I know. Believe me, I know. I just...” I couldn’t explain it other than to say, “She’s different.”

He didn’t say anything for a long time. I knew he was weighing his response. Finally, he spoke. “I know this is different for you, Stephan, but you can’t allow that to color your judgment or influence her. She has to want this or it won’t work. Not for the long term anyway. And I know you well enough to know that is what you want.”

Now it was my turn not to say anything. Logan knew me better than anyone else did. He’d stuck by me during my rebellious teenage years, and kept me out of the kind of trouble that would have ended up with me in Juvenile Hall. We’d experienced so many firsts together in our adolescence. I trusted him. He trusted me. Time and life experience had done nothing but strengthen that.

By the time I hung up with Logan, it was after four and I could hear Brianna moving around in the kitchen. I smiled to myself. She’d be starting dinner for us.

I decided to give her a little more uninterrupted time and called my assistant, Jamie. She assured me that although Karl Walker, the foundation’s CFO, had been looking for me, it didn’t appear to be urgent. Missing work was not something I liked to do, but I hadn’t wanted to leave her alone today.

After hanging up with Jamie, I closed down my computer and opened the lower left drawer of my desk. There in the back was what I had been looking for: an empty journal.

As I walked back downstairs, the sounds in the kitchen got louder and then suddenly stopped. When I rounded the corner, Brianna was standing frozen in the center of my kitchen.

I walked over to her. “Is everything all right?”

She nodded.

“Brianna, please talk to me. Why are you standing in the middle of the kitchen? Do you need something?”

Again she didn’t speak, just shook her head no.

This time, I reached out and brought her head up. Her eyes held uncertainty again. “Tell me.”

“I don’t... know what to do.”

“About?”

She pressed her lips tightly together, and I was beginning to get frustrated. I tried very hard to remember what Logan had said just before hanging up with me:

“Whatever you do, Stephan, don’t lose your temper with her.”

I took a deep breath and refocused on her. She shifted her feet several times before she said, “I don’t know what you want me to do. How you want me to... act.”

“How do you want to act?”

That was when the tears started. I knew she was confused. This could not be easy for her. She had just begun to accept that she belonged to me, and now I had once again destroyed her reality. I only hoped she would let me help her build a new and better one.

I brushed the tears from her cheeks with my thumbs and stepped forward to bring us closer together. She took the invitation and laid her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and rubbed my lips against her hair. “You can tell me anything, Brianna. Anything. I don’t want you to keep things to yourself. I want you to trust me.”

She nodded against my chest.

I noticed there was water boiling on the stove, so I reached over and turned the burner off. She started to step away and apologize, but I pulled her back against me. “No. Dinner will wait. I think we need to talk first.”

Brianna nodded and stayed close to my side as I led us to the living room. I walked to my chair and sat down, holding my hand out in offering to her. She placed her fingers in my grasp and lowered herself onto my lap.

Once she was settled and my arms were around her, I said, “Now, tell me what is bothering you.”

She took several minutes to answer, but finally said, “I don’t know how I’m supposed to act... what I’m supposed to do now.”

I took a deep breath and said, “Let’s start with the first one, shall we?”

Her face was full of anxiety, but she nodded.

“This is my house, so I expect you to treat me and my things with respect. You are free to come and go. If you aren’t going to be home when I am, then I expect you to either call me or leave a note. My bedroom is still off limits to you unless I give you permission to go in there. I would still like for you to continue working with Brad. I think it will help you not only physically, but mentally as well. It doesn't matter what you decide to do, but it is your decision. You may stop if you wish.”

I let that set in for a minute before I continued. “As I told you last night, I’d still like to see you go back to school. Again, it will be a benefit to you no matter what path you end up choosing.” Pausing, I made sure she was looking at me before calmly saying, “Everything else is up to you.”

She just watched me, not saying anything for two hundred and four seconds. Then she said, “So, if I decide I don’t... want to stay?”

---