Page 61 of Need

“You can ask me anything, you know. Even if it’s about Stephan.”

I closed my eyes and mentally crossed my fingers.

“How do I get him to touch me again?” I said, as quickly as I could get it out. I just hoped she understood what I’d said and I didn’t have to repeat myself.

“What do you mean by get him to touch you again? What’s he not doing that he was?”

“He hasn’t... since last week. I panicked...”

“Ah,” she said. “He’s stopped the sexual stuff.”

“Yes,” I said, breathing a sigh of relief that she understood.

“Have you asked him? Talked to him about why he stopped?”

I pressed my lips together. There it was again. Talking. Communication.

“No,” I admitted.

“Maybe that’s what he’s waiting for.”

I continued to think about what Lily had said long after I hung up the phone. And the more I thought about it, the more I believed she could be right. I was sleeping on the floor beside his bed, texting him, following him around because I hadn’t talked to him about something that was bothering me. Now this was bothering me, and I still wasn’t talking. What was wrong with me?

When he came through the door that evening, I had talked myself into talking to him a dozen times. I’d also talked myself out of talking to him a dozen times.

He walked over to me, and pulled me into his arms.

Dinner was quiet as usual. I knew I was allowed to talk whenever, but it just didn’t feel right unless he was holding me. It also helped if we were sitting in his chair.

I cleaned up before going to sit with him. Since I’d been texting him what I was doing throughout the day, our evening conversations had changed a little. Instead of asking me what I did, he’d ask me questions about what I’d told him I’d done.

Because I’d called Lily right after I’d texted him that morning, and the call ended well before the next text, I’d not mentioned talking to her. I knew it was time. I needed to do this. Lily was right. He was probably waiting for me to say something.

“I called Lily.”

“Did you?” I couldn’t see his face since I was in my favorite position with my head on his shoulder, but he sounded surprised.

“Yes.” I pressed my lips together, nervous. “Was that okay?”

“Of course,” he said, running his fingers gently down my arm. “It’s just that you’ve never called her before on your own. I’m proud of you.”

I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.

When I didn’t say anything else, he asked, “You know you can talk to Lily about anything you wish. Is there a reason you brought her up?”

“Yes. I... I called to ask her something.”

“Oh?”

“She said I should talk to you.”

To my surprise, he chuckled. I didn’t know how I felt about that. Why was he laughing?

“And what are you to talk to me about, Brianna?” When I didn’t answer right away, he shifted me in his lap and lifted my chin so I was looking at him. “Talk to me,” he said, seriously.

“You... you haven’t... touched me... since I... since I...” I could feel the moisture pooling in my eyes.

“Deep breaths. You can do this.”

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