Page 72 of Imperfect Cadence

The exhaustion caused a dull pulsating ache behind my eyelids. Our last night together had been spent entwined in each other’s arms, making love for hours before simply holding each other in silence. Kisses and promises were exchanged until we were too spent to do anything other than gaze into each other's eyes, watching every detail into our memories.

The rising sun painted the outline of our sleepy town a fiery orange, signaling that our time together had run out. We met in one last embrace, his sturdy arms lifting me until my legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. I buried my face into the crook of his neck, determined not to let the tears spill over. He whispered his farewell in my ear, voice trembling with emotion.

This wasn’t goodbye.

We weren’t finished.

It was simply farewell for now. When we reunited, we would be well on our way to realizing our dreams.

As Gray climbed into his truck, I glanced down at my left hand. His grandmother’s ring adorned my finger, alongside the simple yellow gold band we’d chosen together, now a permanent part of me. Proof that our paths would cross again. Proof that we were destined for eternity.

Still, as the dust billowed around his tires, marking his departure down the rugged dirt driveway, a sense of unease tightened in the pit of my stomach.

I shouldn’t want him to stay. After all, I was also leaving, so it wouldn’t be fair to ask him to stay.

But deep down, I feared that in our time apart, he would forget me. Realize just how little I had to offer him.

With all my heart, I wished for him to turn those headlights around.

As swiftly as the images came, they dissipated, leaving me standing there in the hospital corridor and just as uncertain about how to proceed as I had been all those years ago.

Now wasn’t the time to unravel, though. I could save that for later, once Gray had recovered and inevitably pushed me away again.

“Lead the way,” I instructed the nurse.

As we wound through what felt like an endless labyrinth of corridors, the nurse filled me in on some crucial details I had missed.

“I’m guessing you didn’t absorb much of what Dr. Turnbull said. So, the good news is that they managed to save Grayson’s leg. However, his recovery is going to be long and painful. He’s going to need extensive rehabilitation and physical therapy. It could be months before he can walk unassisted again, and even longer before he can return to work. I’m not sure about Grayson’s insurance situation, but if he can afford it, a home health nurse would be his best option.”

At last, I felt as though I could be of some use. Violet had mentioned that Gray worked as a laborer for a local construction company. Given his occupation, I doubted his insurance would cover much, if any, of his recovery expenses. At least I could alleviate that burden for him.

“But all that can be taken care of later,” the nurse continued, her patience seemingly endless despite my absentmindedness. I really needed to ask her what her name was, but it felt kind of rude now, considering I knew she had told me at least three times.

“This is his room here,” she said, halting outside a closed door in what appeared to be the ICU. “Before you go in, it’s important to mentally prepare yourself for what you’re about to see. He hasn’t fully emerged from the anesthesia yet, so he may be groggy and drifting in and out of consciousness. His speech might be slurred or incoherent, which can be a side effect of both the anesthesia and the head injury. He also has considerable bruising and swelling on his face, and his leg is in a full cast with multiple pins sticking out of it.”

She placed a hand on my shoulder, presumably offering sympathy, but it only made my skin crawl. I must have flinched, as she withdrew her touch as quickly as she had extended it.

“Now, I understand it’s going to be difficult to see him like that,” she continued, maintaining her professionalism despite the fact I was probably coming across as a rude asshole. “But, you need to stay calm for him. He’s probably going to be confused and frightened. If you get upset, that’s going to make things worse for him, okay? Can you do that for him?”

Could I?

Up until now, I had been running on autopilot. From the second I received the call about the accident, I hadn’t allowed myself a moment of pause to stop and think. Gray’s well-being had consumed me entirely, pushing my own feelings aside in favor of ensuring his safety.

But now? Facing the man who had shattered my heart and my belief in the goodness of the world after all this time? Acting as though everything were fine?

I was so far from fine.

We were supposed to be a team. Gray had promised it would be us against the world, only to toss me aside without a second thought. Tonight, I had learned that may not have been the entire truth. Too bad that didn’t just erase seven year’s worth of simmering resentment for the way he had treated me. Even if his reasons for ending our relationship were less superficial than the bullshit excuses he had provided, he couldn’t have regretted his decision all that much. If he did, surely he would have attempted to reach out to me.

I had finally come to terms with the fact that I would always love Gray, and I had accepted that it was okay to feel that way. But I had also acknowledged that clinging to the hope of returning to the way things once were wasn’t healthy for me either.

Now, in less than forty-eight hours, I found myself right back at square one.

Because, despite all the work I’d done on myself, all the progress I had made, inside I was still that scared kid, cowering behind a dumpster and wondering why I was destined to be unloved.

In spite of the storm of conflicting emotions raging within, I managed to nod in response to the nurse’s question. With a small reassuring smile, she opened the door and left me to confront this moment alone.

The figure lying in the bed might as well have been a complete stranger. The bitter irony that he was indeed a stranger didn’t escape me.

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