“No.” I shook my head. “Danielle.”
“And what happened next, Joey?”
“I was just…” I frowned, trying to piece it all together again. “I was kissing her, and then she was unzipping me and had her hands on me.”
“On your penis.”
“I didn’t mind,” I replied with a nod. “I mean, it was nice. It felt nice. It was just…more of a surprise than anything.”
“Because she was touching you intimately?”
“Because I was off my head at the time,” I admitted before adding, “Because I wasn’t even seeing her in my mind.”
“Who were you seeing?”
“Aoife.”
She jotted something down on paper before saying, “Keep going, Joey.”
“She had me pinned to the wall, and I remember trying to lift my hands up to calm everything down, but I just… I couldn’t move them. And then, she was, ah, then I was sitting on the ground, with a condom on my dick, and I was inside her.”
“You were inside her.” The doctor frowned. “Would it be more fitting to say that she was on you?”
I shrugged in response. “It was just… a very confusing fucking night.”
“Because you didn’t consent.”
“I was hard.”
“Having an erection is a perfectly human reaction to stimulation.”
“Pretty sure I came, too.”
“Again, ejaculation is the body’s response to stimulation.”
“Yeah, well.” I threw my hands up and laughed. “I went back and willingly fucked her a least a dozen more times over the years, so it mustn’t have been that bad.”
The doctor didn’t laugh. “But you weren’t willing that night. And even if you were, you were intoxicated and incapable of giving consent.”
“Can we not?” I said, tone warning. “I’ve already heard this spiel from Shannon, and I’m not buying in, okay? I’m not a victim. I wasn’t fucking raped. I got high and I fucked around. It happens.”
“Are you open to acknowledging the possibility that you were taken advantage of?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not a victim.”
“Can I suggest something?”
“Go for it.”
“If your sister came to you with the same scenario, some random boy from her class at school had taken her virginity in the same way yours was taken, how would you react?”
I stiffened. “Don’t.”
“How would you feel about that, Joey?”