Page 198 of Redeeming 6

“Maybe it should be, Joe.”

I leveled her with a hard stare. “Is it?”

She stared back at me for the longest time, before blowing out a breath and shaking her head. “I want to keep it.”

“Exactly,” I replied, nudging her shoulder with mine. “Looks like we’re doing this.”

“Yeah.” Sighing heavily, she slipped her arm through mine and leaned her cheek on my shoulder. “Looks like we are.”

“We’ve got this, Molloy,” I tried to reassure her. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Just…just stay with me, Joe,” she squeezed out in a small voice. “Like you are right now. This version of you? I need this guy to stay.”

“I’m going nowhere.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

Yeah, I knew what she meant.

“There’s too much at stake now, and I can’t do this without you,” she admitted, nuzzling my shoulder affectionately. “Don’t lose yourself again, Joe.”

Shoulders weighted heavily with shame, I dropped my head to rest against hers. “I won’t.”

“I need you to be done with it,” she pushed. “Like the way you were after Christmas. That determination and willpower? I need you to find it again, Joe. I need that guy.”

“I know,” I ground out, feeling like a piece of shit for putting her in a position where she needed to have this kind of conversation with me. “I’ll sort that, too, Molloy.”

“By stopping,” she added. “Sort it by stopping right now, Joe. Not tomorrow or next week. Right now.”

“You know I love you, right?” I heard myself say, knowing that it would never be enough, but knowing that it was all I had. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you in this life, Molloy. Nothing.”

“Then be done with the drugs and the bullshit,” she pleaded. “Do that for me.”

“I will.”

“You’re not supposed to say you will,” she whispered sadly. “You’re supposed to say that you already are.”

“I’ll fix it,” I heard myself offer up weakly, trying to give this girl everything that she needed from me, but it felt like I was pouring from an empty cup. I could taste the lie on my tongue, and apparently so could she. “I’ll sort it.”

“I want to believe you,” Molloy replied, shifting closer. “I want to believe you so bad.”

Me too. Feeling too fucking exposed, I untangled myself from her and stood up.

“Listen.” Reaching into the pocket of my school trousers, I withdrew a packet of cigarettes and quickly sparked one up. “I don’t know how this is going to go.” Backing up a few feet to keep the smoke away from her, I inhaled a deep drag before letting it out. “I don’t have a crystal ball to look into the future with. I wish I could tell you that everything will be perfect from here on out, but we both know that’d be me spurting bullshit.”

“Feel free to spurt all the bullshit you can think up,” she grumbled, dropping a chip back in the bag and wiping her hand on her thigh. “I could use a little fabrication right now.”

Couldn’t we both?

“The truth is that I’m half-scared to death here, Molloy.”

“Not helping.”

“I’m not scared of stepping up, Molloy. I’m scared of it not being enough,” I forced myself to continue—to admit. “I’m scared of letting you down.”

Emotion flickered in her eyes. “Joe.”

I shook my head and turned away, staring out at the empty pitch, needing a minute to gather my thoughts before I could continue.

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