Page 331 of Redeeming 6

“Joey, stop—”

“But I couldn’t ever save you, Mam,” I cried, hating myself for my weakness as tears trickled down my cheeks. Hating myself for still loving her. “I couldn’t save you because you didn’t want me to! You wanted him to be here! You wanted all of this to happen—”

My mother struck me so hard across the face that I momentarily lost my train of thought. “Don’t you dare blame me,” she hissed, poking me in the chest. “I did everything I could for you and your brothers and sister!”

“You did everything you could for him,” I retaliated. For them. “You can’t lie to me, remember? I see right through you.”

My mother hit me again.

Harder this time.

Hard enough to twist my head sideways.

“Mam,” Darren was the first to react, stepping between us. “What are you doing? Don’t hit him!”

And yeah, her slap hurt, but not nearly as much as the truth I’d given her.

“And I’m the one turning into him?” I said, glaring at the pair of them.

Fuck it.

What was the point?

“I’m not living like this anymore.”

I’d had it.

I couldn’t take another fucking second.

There and then the decision was made.

“I’m done!”

Moving for the stairs, I thundered up to my room and started piling random items of clothing into my gear bag. Why? I had no fucking clue. It wasn’t like I was going to need them. Not where I was going.

“Joey, stop…wait! Wait!”

Still, it felt sickeningly liberating to do it. To pack my shit up for the last time. To walk out of this house and know that I would never have to come back.

“What are you doing?” I heard Shannon ask from my bedroom doorway.

“I can’t stay here anymore.” Knowing that it would kill me to look at her, I kept my head down as I packed. “I’m sorry.” You’re going to be okay. I’ll make sure of it. “But I’m going to explode if I stay in this house.”

“You mean for the night? You’ll go to Aoife’s and come back tomorrow, right?”

No.

I wasn’t going to Aoife’s.

I wasn’t coming back, either.

“Joey, please.”

“I’m sorry!” Hating myself for knowing what my decision would do to her, but knowing that I had no other way out, I zipped up my bag and flung it over my shoulder. “I’ve tried, but I can’t do this.”

“Joey, please,” she sobbed, clinging to me just the same as always. “What about me?”

What about her?

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