Page 25 of Dirty Ginger

8

When the alarm went off the following morning, Amelia groaned her displeasure. She snatched up her cellphone off her nightstand and turned the alarm off, feeling like she’d hardly slept at all. Last night all she’d done was toss and turn, a thousand thoughts spinning on her mind. The biggest, most important one: why did Beckett not jump at the chance to sleep with her? She’d known he’d always been sweet, but who was this patient man who didn’t think of sex first? Beckett was pure passion, or at least he had been when she’d first met him in high school, when she was a freshman and he was a senior. He’d always had his eyes set on the rodeo, never planning on going to college. He knew his path and what he wanted out of life, her included, and she’d fallen madly in love with that passion. But in Amelia’s final month of high school, the accident took his mother and grandfather’s life, and Beckett’s world shattered. She’d stayed with him until weeks before she left for college, fighting for their relationship. But she’d failed to reach him again. He’d told her to go and move on, and she had. Beckett wasn’t pushing her away anymore, but he wasn’t rushing things either. He was the same passionate, sweet guy she once knew, but he wasn’t letting things go any further. She couldn’t figure out what game he was playing or if he was playing a game at all.

Figuring she was just going to drive herself crazy by thinking this over, she set to showering and getting ready for her day. Down in the kitchen twenty minutes later, she watched the coffee maker brew and yawned when her front door opened.

“Amelia?” Penelope called.

“In here,” Amelia answered, pouring herself a cup of coffee and adding sugar and cream before stirring it. She caught the incredible scent of baked apples and smiled before Penelope walked through the doorway. “You brought my favorite?” she asked.

Penelope offered the box with a smile. “It’s my bribe for you to tell me everything going on with you and Beckett.”

Amelia laughed, happily accepting the box. “It’s a good bribe.” She set the box down on the counter and opened the lid, her mouth instantly watering. The apple fritters from the bakery downtown were the best, and Amelia took a bite before she added, “Honestly, there is not much to tell, but thanks for breakfast.”

Penelope took another one of the to-go mugs out of the cupboard and made herself a coffee before giving Amelia a once-over. “If there’s nothing much to tell, then why do you look so perturbed?”

Amelia lifted her brows. “I look perturbed?”

“Okay, weird word, I know,” Penelope said, and then gave a slight shrug. “But that’s how you look. Like, bothered in a way I’ve never seen you bothered before.”

Amelia snatched up her to-go mug with her free hand. “Come on, I need to get some beer brewing and I’ll explain.”

Penelope quickly followed Amelia out of the house, devouring her apple fritter on the way. When Amelia entered the brewery, she inhaled the clean scent and smiled. This she could work with. Brewing Foxy Diva was second nature now. Their beloved brew had come from their pops’ homemade brew that Amelia had altered a little after he passed. Amelia never would have told him during his life his beer was too bitter and too heavy, but all the Indian pale ale needed was a little love and it became a beer Amelia found pride in.

“All right, stop stalling and spill it,” Penelope said.

“First, follow me.” Amelia headed over to the milling station where a sanitized bucket sat beneath the mill. She grabbed a heavy bag of barley, she cut the top and using a grain scoop, she filled the mill to the top. She turned on the motorized mill, then stepped back closer to Penelope as the mill ground up the grain to expose the starches insides so the water could extract sugars and other unwanted ingredients. “I guess I am little perturbed. So, things with Beckett… well, they’re heating up.”

Penelope cocked her head. “Is that a bad thing?”

Amelia tried to gather up the thoughts running through her head, and she failed miserably. “It’s confusing, because is this wrong?”

Penelope took a seat on one of the turned over buckets. “Seeing him, you mean?”

“Yeah,” Amelia said, nibbling her lip as she added some more barley into the mill to crush the grain. “First of all, is it healthy for me to get involved with anyone so soon after Luka?”

Penelope frowned. “He did leave you at the altar. I’m not so sure you need to feel bad for anything, especially if that something is making you happy.”

Amelia considered that. “I guess, but should I go back to Beckett, to the past? Or am I just setting myself up for more heartbreak here?”

Penelope paused and gave a knowing look. “No matter who you date you always set yourself up for heartbreak.” Her expression softened. “But sometimes it works out if you take a leap of faith.”

Amelia exhaled a slowly breath. “But is it too soon to take that leap? We’ve got a complicated history. A past where there was a lot of love, but we grew apart. He knew that. I knew that. Our lives went in two different directions.”

“Okay, I get that,” Penelope said. “But you’ve certainly found your way back to each other.”

Amelia hit the stop on the mill and switched out the bucket beneath for an empty one. While she put on the lid on the full bucket, she added, “I think that might be the problem.”

“Because…?” Penelope drawled.

Amelia stopped dancing around what was going on in her heart. She turned to Penelope, and in the warm friendship she had with her cousin, she laid it all on the line. “Because last night, Beckett didn’t take a step forward with me. He took a step back, and I’m bothered. Clara kept warning me that it couldn’t be a casual thing with Beckett, which I knew, but honestly, he was just making me feel good and happy and I liked that. I thought it could be casual. So why am I torn up that he didn’t want to come to my bed last night? We kissed and stuff, but this isn’t kissing and stuff feelings, this is more. And I just can’t help but wonder if I’m making a big mistake here. I mean, I was just left at the altar, about to marry someone else. Shouldn’t I be more broken up about that?”

Awareness filled Penelope’s eyes. “No, because that asshat made a mess of your heart. You’re allowed to move on from Luka the very next day if Beckett makes you happy.”

A headache loomed, and Amelia rubbed at her temple.

“So, is that what it is? You feel like it’s too soon?”

Amelia sighed, adding more barley to the mill before continuing. “It feels like it’s too soon for anything serious. But I also feel rejected and hurt that he turned me down last night, and I’m not sure I have the right to feel that way.”

---