Page 76 of Late Nights

A few seconds passed as he dealt with some kind of internal conflict. Eventually he said, “Okay, let me go get my food.”

I smiled, knowing I had won. It might not be good for my head or my heart, but I couldn’t help that I wanted to spend time with him, even if he didn’t want to take things beyond friendship because of his worries.

He returned quickly, sitting on the other side of the bed with his back against the headrest. “Okay, what are we watching?” He picked up his grilled cheese and took a bite.

“Our Planet,” I said, picking up my sandwich too.

“Really?” he asked around a mouthful of food.

“Yeah, I think it’s really interesting. All these creatures from all over the world, trying to survive harsh climates and predators…it’s fascinating.”

His amused expression made me pause. “What?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he said with a smile. “Let’s watch this fascinating show.”

Fifteen minutes in, our food was gone, and Cannon was hooked. “I can’t decide if I want the polar bear to get the seal, or if I want the seal to escape,” he said, watching with rapt attention.

I smiled. “I told you this show would pull you in.”

He scooted down on the bed, laying his head back on the pillow. “You were right. It is fascinating.”

I followed his actions and moved down to rest my head on my pillow too, but turned on my side so I could face him. “So you’re saying that I know what I’m talking about?”

He turned his head to look at me, our faces closer than I was prepared for. I tried to keep my breathing the same, normal. No need to get all worked up over being this close to him. On a bed.

His handsome face took on a skeptical look. “That sounds like a trick question.”

“Not a trick question,” I smiled. “More like collective evidence that there is truth in what I say.”

He grinned, turning fully on his side now, both of us ignoring the TV show as it cast light and shadows over the darkened room. “I’ve always known you’re an intelligent woman.”

I slowly let my smile fall, letting the gravity of what I wanted to say seep through the air between us before bringing up a more serious conversation. I didn’t want to talk him into being with me, but it was so hard to ignore how we both felt, what was right in front of us. Cannon and I had something great, something I knew we’d both regret if we didn’t give it a chance.

Yes, there was a chance it wouldn’t work, that we’d ruin what we’d built so far, but to me it was worth the risk. He was worth the risk. I’d rather know we didn’t work together than always wonder what could have been.

You didn’t share a kiss with someone like we had and then just walk away. I’d told him I’d respect his boundaries and not cross any lines with him, but it felt impossible when those boundaries had more to do with his lack of self-worth than anything to do with being in a relationship. As broken and messed up as Cannon thought he was, I was willing to walk alongside him, to get him to a place where he could trust, where he could believe he was worthy of love.

I slowly reached for his hand, taking a hold of it. “Then trust me enough to see where this could go, what we could be.”

“Demi,” he exhaled, closing his eyes as if just the thought of being with me, with anyone, was too overwhelming to even think about.

I squeezed his hand, letting him know I was there, that I wasn’t going anywhere.

He opened his eyes, searching my face, and I wondered if he was looking to see if I had any fears. I didn’t. Maybe I should have, but being with Cannon only made me feel peace.

“What if I mess everything up?” he asked, the fear still visible in his eyes.

“You will,” I said, which caught him by surprise. I squeezed his hand again, giving him a smile that I hoped was reassuring. “We both will. That’s what happens in relationships. You try your best, but we’re human, we make mistakes. The key is to learn from those mistakes, apologize, try to be better, because the person you’re with is worth it.” I took my free hand and ran it through his dark hair, then brought it down to rest against his jaw. “You’re worth it, Cannon.”

“But what if you find out I’m not?” he asked, my words not sinking in. “What if you realize I’m not good enough for you, that I don’t have the first clue about how to be a good boyfriend? What if I lose you? What if I lose West, lose the only family I’ve ever had?” Anxiety poured out of him. “I wouldn’t even blame you. If I’m being honest, I’m too worried about losing you and your family, too selfish to risk me losing the only good thing I have in my life.” He shook his head as if he was disgusted with himself. He pulled away, my hand dropping from his face. “How could I ever be what you deserve when I’ve already proven that I put my own needs and wants above yours?”

“Your desire for family connections doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you human.” I wasn’t sure how to get through to him when his fears were overpowering anything I said. I took a breath, hoping if I stayed calm that it would help him hear my words. “And the fact that you’ve been a part of our family for the past ten years shows that you are capable of being loved, that you are capable of caring about people, that trust and love has been built on both sides. My parents and West will always be in your life no matter what happens between you and me.” I scooted closer to him, laying my hands on his chest, hoping that the physical contact would help my words take hold. “I want to say that I’ll be able to still be your friend regardless of the status of our relationship, but if for some reason I can’t, I’d never take my family away from you.”

“But what if—”

I put my hand to his mouth to stop him. “We could talk about the what-ifs until the sun came up, but they would still only be what-ifs. And if we’re going to talk about any what-if, let’s talk about what if we’re great together. What if being together is the best thing that will ever happen to us?” I slid my hands up his chest and placed my hands on the sides of his neck, lifting my head to press a feather light kiss against his cheek. “What if you were always meant to find us? To find me?”

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