Page 35 of Passing Notes

“Thanks.” I couldn’t help but smile as I noted that drunk Clara was chatty. Maybe I’d invite her over for pool cocktails so I could speak to her every day. “But let’s talk about you, beautiful. That dress should be illegal.” It was bright red and hit at her knees, and it fit like it was made for her body: snug, with a scooped neckline and thin straps. Her heels were high enough to put us almost at eye level.

“Aww.” Her full rosy lips pursed in an adorable pout. “You don’t approve?”

“That’s not anywhere near what I said, baby.” I bit my lip and eyed her up and down. “You’re fucking gorgeous, and I would never dare tell a lady how to dress. But I will tell you I’m ready to knock a few heads together if anyone gets any ideas where you’re concerned.”

“Chivalry isn’t dead after all—how nice.” She leaned in close with a hand on my chest and her voice dropped low so only I could hear it. “I bet you thought about me after I left, didn’t you?” Her eyes turned briefly shrewd through the drunken haze.

She stumbled into me and for one split second I was seventeen again. I inhaled deeply, the familiar scent of her perfume transporting me to the front seat of my truck with her sitting in my lap. She was flowers and sunshine, love and light, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her again.

“Of course I did.” I pulled back to look in her eyes, taking her hand in mine to kiss the back. “For a long time you were all I thought about.”

“I did too. I missed you, Nick.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Admitting you had a real feeling? How unexpected.”

“I’d never felt with anyone how I felt with you. Then you took it away.”

“I took it? That’s not what I remember.”

“Dance with me, Nick. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It hurts too much.” She threw her arms around my neck and pressed her body into mine.

She tucked her forehead against the side of my neck. The soft warmth of her sigh tickled my collarbone, and it was all I could do not to get hard.

Damn fucking right I’d thought about her when she was gone. I’d have to get drunker than she was right now in order to handle the memories.

Like I’d wanted to do all day, I yanked her into my chest. My hands on her waist in a polite dance weren’t enough. I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her neck to breathe in the sweetly scented memories that were torturing me by holding her like this.

I could fall for her again. All I had to do was let it happen, and I’d be under her spell once more.

I held her close as we swayed to the music; closer than I should but not as close as I wanted. We’d never danced. We didn’t have a song. Our relationship had been a secret at my insistence. I’d thought it would protect her from my mother, but in retrospect I realized it was a mistake to have kept it that way. There were so many memories we’d never had a chance to make together.

Her hair rustled against my chin as her lips moved to whisper in my ear. “Take me to Sky Lake. I want to remember how we were together. I want to feel it.”

“Anything you want. I’ll text Mari and let her know we’re leaving.”

“’Kay . . .”

I offered my hand to guide her out of the bar. She gripped it tight in hers, looking up at me with a soft smile.

“We never got the chance to dance together back then, did we?” she asked.

“No, we didn’t,” I confirmed. Secrets prevented us from attending any of the dances at school together. No homecoming, no prom—nothing that could give us away. We reached my truck, and I helped her climb into the cab, then hurried around to the driver’s side with my heart racing out of control.

“I liked dancing with you tonight, Nick,” she murmured into the dark as the lights of Green Valley disappeared into the background. I turned onto the rural county road that led up to the lake, wondering if I was doing the right thing.

“I liked it too. A lot.” I glanced her way as I turned down the road to Sky Lake. Her temple pressed against the passenger window created a confusing duality in my mind. Her reflection in the glass, so much like the faded images of her face that had haunted me throughout the years, was now eclipsed by the real woman sitting at my side.

I didn’t know how to be with her right now. Years of pent-up feelings simmered at the surface of my consciousness—the hurt I had thought I had long since buried, the many nights I’d spent wondering what had gone wrong, the pain of her loss—and felt like knives in my heart. And they were twisting deeper with each mile I drove.

What was I doing?

She was going to destroy me again, and I was going to let it happen. Was it her I really wanted? Or did I want to recreate the time in my life when I’d last felt happy?

“We were too young, weren’t we, Nick?” The sad sound of her voice startled me out of my thoughts. “It never would have worked between us.”

“Maybe not. Or maybe it could have been amazing. There’s no way to know now. But maybe we can be something else together instead. Why do we have to look back to move forward? It was so long ago—we’re different people now.”

“Do you want that?”

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