Page 42 of Passing Notes

I managed to keep my feelings at bay until halftime. My sisters and I headed down to the snack bar to grab popcorn and hot dogs and slushies—football game essentials—while the men stayed to entertain the kids, as they should.

We stood at the edge of the field blending in with the crowd, munching on our snacks and slurping up our drinks as we watched Ruby and the band put on their halftime field show.

Mari was there, running back and forth, making sure everything went off without a hitch. We caught her eye and she stopped for a second for a quick hello before darting off down the field again. Damn, if I had half the energy she did, I’d probably have a heart attack and die.

Gracie grabbed my arm and gritted out, “There she is. It’s so hard not to kick her ass now that the freaking boot is gone. Now that I have my balance back, that bitch better watch out.” She paused her ranting and closed her eyes. “Oh no, Clara, help me. All my anger management skills are failing me. I need to take a deep breath and chill before I lose my temper. I’m a grown-up. Tell me I’m mature. Tell me I can let it go.”

“You’re so mature. I’m in awe of your grown-up ways. So, is she up to something? What’s going on?” I hissed as she pulled me away from Willa and Sadie. They were so caught up in the game they barely noticed when we stepped to the edge of the stands. We chucked our trash in the can, and I yanked her part way beneath. The echo under here was familiar. My head cleared immediately as I inhaled the smoky mustiness that only years of sneaked cigarettes, mold, and greasy trash could create.

“Didn’t you see her take my picture?” She took her phone from her pocket and scrolled through some social media app I didn’t recognize—#oldladyproblems.

“I didn’t notice.” Damn, what kind of bodyguard was I? I had to get my head back in the game. I’d gotten complacent; once Marianne spotted me at the school, she’d dialed back on her shenanigans and apparently, I’d become less observant.

“Look.” She passed me the phone.

Marianne had edited the pic of Gracie onto a headstone. I read the caption: How sad is this? Here lies Gracie May Hill. Once the quarterback’s girlfriend trying to belong where she never did and never will. And now a pathetic loner hanging around with a bunch of old ladies. Go back to your lavender farm, hillbilly slut.

“Hillbilly slut?! That little witch! And, hey, I’m not that old. Thirty-two is the new, uh, twenty-two, or whatever.” It was fine if I made fun of myself for being old, but not if some ridiculous teenage brat did it. It made sense, okay? I handed Gracie back her phone. “God, back in my day we’d just start a damn fight and call it a day. This shit is exhausting.” My eyes grew wide with alarm. “Oh my god, do not let Sadie see this or she’ll march over there right now and give her a piece of her mind. Or a piece of her hot dog shoved straight into her face.” My lips shifted into a sideways grin. “Actually, you could sic Sadie on her, film it, then post it to that app...” Sadie was no stranger to causing a scene; she ran out of fucks to give ages ago.

“No.” Gracie laughed. “Not tonight. Like, I mostly don’t care, it’s just annoying is all. She won’t let it go.” She took a deep breath. “She’s so stupid. She never does anything at school anymore, that’s why you haven’t seen anything. She doesn’t want to get in trouble for bullying—there’s that zero-tolerance policy.” She let out a huge sigh. “I just want to go home. Willa said she was tired. Maybe we can leave.”

“Do you really not care? I can’t believe that, Gracie. Will you please let me talk to her? I promise I won’t make threats or commit any felonies. I’m not like Sadie, I can rein it in. I’ve had just as much therapy as you.”

“No.” She let out a laugh. “Thank you though. Look, I finally have all my sisters back in town. I have Ruby and Mari—I mean, Miss Mitchell. And I still have Weston, even though we’re broken up for now. I do not give a shit what happens at school or on the internet. She’ll get over it eventually. Your job is to prevent me from kicking her ass when I forget to be mature about it. Please?”

I studied her face. She was telling the truth. “I believe you. I’m proud of you, and I’m here to talk to any time you need me. Tell Willa your ankle is bothering you and she’ll take you home. I’ll wait here. We’ll talk more about the Marianne crap later.”

Gracie’s lips pursed in a knowing look. “I’m onto you, you know.”

I gave her my best wide-eyed, innocent look. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, okay. So you’re not going to go creeping around down here and end up under Nick’s ex like the type of sneaky little eavesdropper all of us Hill sisters have grown up to be? There’s something going on between the two of you, I know it.”

My head drew back on my neck. “No. I would never—” It actually wasn’t a bad idea...

“Listen, Clara. You’re stuck, same as me. Only I’m stuck in school and I can’t quit since I need my dumb diploma. You’re stuck somewhere in the past, aren’t you? It’s okay to move on. Letting things go is healthy. Nobody has the power to put you down anymore, and if you’re letting someone keep you down, it’s on you.”

I held one hand up and flattened the other over my heart. “Ouch. Thanks, Dr. Gracie. I’ll take that all under advisement.” This kid was smarter than me and it kinda freaked me out.

“Think about it. I’m here for you too, you know. I’m going to talk to Willa. I’ll see you Monday for school. Or before, if you feel like talking shit over.”

“If you’re going home, I’m going home too,” I lied. “In fact, tell them I’m already gone.”

She nodded, that knowing look lighting up her features. She was too mature, too wise for her age, and though I was proud of her, it also made me kind of sad. All of us Hill girls had grown up way too fast.

The temptation to go further under the bleachers was too much. Like the other night with Nick at Sky Lake, I wanted to feel the memories again. I needed a dose of where I had come from so I would remember what I could never have.

I watched Sadie head back up in the stands, then saw Willa pull Gracie into a side hug and call Everett to let him know they were leaving. I smiled as they left arm in arm. Gracie was in good hands with Willa.

Bodyguard duty for the night was complete; my time was my own again. I slipped further beneath the bleachers instead of going home and ditching all the Nick memories like I knew I should.

But I wasn’t the only one with the idea. A few kids stood in groups here and there, smoke puffing out of the tops of their little circles.

I squinted into the strips of light that managed to shine through the bleachers. Back in the darkest corner, eyes glued to the field, stood my neighbor, Leonard, knee bent with his foot up against the wall behind him like all the hot bad boys leaned.

What the hell was he doing under here?

“Hiding from Mari?” I guessed.

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