Page 63 of Sizzle

Leona feels very much like a safe space, and not having had that for much of my life might be the cause of spilling my guts to my boyfriend’s mother.

“Gabrielle, has anyone ever told you that it’s okay to want crazy things? To leap into untraditional situations or pursue something with a madness others will call insane?”

“Honestly?” I shake my head. “No. I was raised on the straightest and narrowest road you could imagine. And am still held to that standard by my family to this day.”

Leona hangs her head a bit. “I’m sorry to hear that. As a mother, it’s easy to have aspirations for your children. To want to push them down certain paths. The hardest thing is to take a back seat and watch them make the decisions that best fit them.”

“I’m understanding that more as I move further into adulthood. Unfortunately, I don’t have parents who do that hard thing the right way.”

She motions for me to sit down at the table in my grandmother’s kitchen. “They just may not be willing to, even if they know they should. Being a parent is the hardest job you’ll ever have. Most rewarding, yes. But also the hardest. You don’t think it’s been tough watching Liam struggle? I’ve always known something was right under the surface, just not what it was. Until you came back to town, that is.”

My blood goes cold. Is she referring to what I think she’s referring to? That age-old feeling claws at the back of my throat, the one that says I’ll be found out for being a horrible person.

“You … you think me going after your son is inappropriate.” The shame and guilt are evident in my voice.

Leona looks around like she’ll see someone else in the kitchen. “Going after? Who said you did that? From all accounts, it looks like you did nothing of the sort. I’m not wrong, am I?”

Gulping, I shake my head. “No. I did everything possible never to cross a line.”

“Even ended your career and moved far away to make sure you stayed on that straight and narrow. As a mother in that past life, I’m grateful for you doing that. I appreciate you sticking to your morals and knowing what was clearly wrong.”

Liam must have divulged more than I thought to her, or maybe she just guessed.

“But now? You’re both grown adults, Gabrielle. You only have three years separating you, and sure, I would have been on alert if he’d started dating you after graduation, but you put your foot down. You made the best decision for you both. And you’re still doing the same thing. Liam is a man who is free to make his own choices. He waited for you, and you were both in search of each other, even with all the years apart. Seeing how you are now, I can confidently say that you two deserve all the happiness coming to you. You’re going to be a wonderful mother.” She reaches out to squeeze my hand.

Something in my chest breaks free, like a weight that dumps off and no longer constricts the organ. Leona has said the words I didn’t realize I was waiting for. She’s released me from this prison of shame I put myself in for falling for Liam. It’s not absolution, but I’m on the road to accepting that everything we’ve done since I returned is above board.

“Funny, I was kind of starting to doubt that. I don’t come from one who seems to care much about being a mother. Honestly, I worry sometimes that she thinks we’re all mistakes she made. I never want my child to see themselves like that. I want what Liam and his siblings have; two parents who love them so fiercely that they’ll do anything to make sure they’re happy. Even if it makes them miserable.”

“I wasn’t always super mom, you know.” She rolls her eyes as if making fun of herself. “The kids love to idealize that, but I think they have amnesia when it comes to some of my worst moments.”

I can’t imagine Leona Ashton being anything other than the perfect fairy godmother of a mom, so I’m shocked, too.

“One time, when only Liam was in school and the others were toddlers or babies, I took them to your grandmother’s shop. I had to get out of the house, they were driving me mad, and Thomas was working so many hours at the restaurant. I thought it would be sweet to go to the bookstore and let them pick a few. God, I was naive. The moment we walked in, Patrick had an accident on the floor, Evan began screaming, and Alana ripped some pages out of a kid’s book. I was mortified. It was hard not to cry as I begged your grandmother to let me clean up the pee, but she just scowled at me and gave the kids lollipops as she toweled it up. Then she wheeled out an old-school TV, put on a Disney movie for them, and made me sit down while she made me some tea. It was the kindest thing I think anyone has ever done for me. She told me that she could tell that I was trying my hardest and loved my children to bits. That it was all that mattered. Told me that in life, we make a ton of mistakes and we can’t dwell on them or we’d never see the good stuff staring us right in our face. That Lucy was one of a kind, I’ll tell you.”

There have got to be tears streaming down my face with how much Leona is pulling at my heartstrings right now. “She sure was.”

“All of that is to say, you come from a very strong woman. Forget about anyone who thinks you aren’t or judges you to a standard that is wrong and not meant for you. Lucy saw in you what we all see; the kind of woman any man would be lucky to be with. The kind of mother who will try their hardest and love their children to bits. That’s what Liam sees, it’s what I see. We’re so happy you’re in our lives, and I know my son is a better man because you came back. Let it all go for a little bit; this is the happiest time of your life. Revel in it.”

The soothing moment given by a mother who really cares is like a balm to my soul. Up until now, I’ve still had those weights tied to my ankles, the pressure and judgment to act like the standup daughter my parents always wanted me to be. Except they don’t get to define that, I do. Leona just said as much, and now I have this found family who will help me realize it even more. Even when our child is born and we’re tied together as a real family.

So, for the afternoon, with a woman I hope to one day call my mother-in-law helping me, I let it go and decide to live in only this moment. Honoring Lucy alongside a woman who I know myself, her son, and her grandchild will honor for the rest of our lives.

30

GABRIELLE

“If you don’t stop, we’re going to miss the appointment.”

I can’t help the giggle that slips past my lips as Liam’s fingertips play with the elastic waistband of my underwear.

“It’s not my fault you wake up smelling like the most delicious treat I’ll ever taste. Every morning, there you are, in my arms, all this smooth skin and irresistible sexiness and I’m just supposed to what? Not want to hump you?”

Morning Liam might be my favorite version of the man. He’s all dreamy and sleep mussed, with his hair wild and those stormy eyes flashing with lustful interest across the pillow. He’s so playful, a side of him I don’t usually get to see, and spending this last month with him has been something out of my wildest fantasies. Every night I get to come home to him, and every morning we wake up in the same bed. Living together has proved pretty easy, even if we didn’t discuss it. I just fell into staying at his place so often that I kept bringing more and more of my things over here, and suddenly we were roommates.

Liam has only made me feel one hundred percent welcome, and the pregnancy has only brought us closer together. Case in point, his fingers are currently trying to explore a part of me Liam is very acquainted with.

“We have time,” he coos, charming and sexy in his husky morning voice.

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