Page 106 of The Last Lost Girl

Ready with a chair, Belle eases him down onto it. His brows rise and his lips part in wonder. He laughs, and his breath hitches.

He cries as he watches the life he had forgotten. He’s probably wondered so many times if he would ever regain his past. If he would ever be whole.

My breathing turns ragged. Because when he remembers what I did…

I back away from him on shaking legs.

Turn.

Run.

By the time the night sky spreads over me, I’m crying so hard my chest hurts. The crew is on their feet in a second, their hands ready to take up their weapons as they search for the threat they fear is following me out the door.

Finding only Belle, their eyes lock onto the door, still waiting for Hudson to emerge from the onslaught. As Smee rushes inside, my sister hurries to me.

She grips my arms and waits until I meet her worried gaze. “You have to tell me what just happened.”

My head spins as I look up at the stars for help. But instead of sharing wisdom, they only stare and spread silver light over me when all I want to do is bleed into the darkness and disappear.

Hudson’s deep voice comes from his quarters, though his words are muffled by the windows. By the distance between us.

Smee speaks next.

I’m glad his best friend is with him and can comfort him, because my face and hands are the last place he will seek comfort from now. I move to the rail and peer toward the moonlight-painted shore.

That’s where this will all end. We all know it. So why wait to face Pan? Why not just meet him on the beach tonight?

Belle jerks me away from the rail with as much intensity as I used when I pulled her away from the ledge. I can’t help but notice the irony. “You did it,” she tells me slowly. “I couldn’t separate them. I couldn’t even tell them apart, but you could. I should have believed in you.”

“That power didn’t come from me, Belle.” It came from Pan.

“Either way, you accomplished the impossible and I’m so proud of you.”

My fingers grip my left wrist where I cut him. “How can you possibly say that?”

Her head ticks back in surprise. She looks at my hand curled around my wrist and suddenly understands why I’m so upset. Her shoulders fall and her chest caves, her arms dropping to her sides. “Oh, Ava…did you see…?”

I crumple to the deck, drawing in my knees and finally allowing the tears to fall. She sits beside me gingerly and holds my hand. “Can we please have some privacy?” she asks the crew, who look as stunned as they are confused.

One mentions the need to watch the shore in case any of the others manage to find their way there. Kingston offers to climb into the crow’s nest to keep watch, then does exactly that. The men don’t ask for any other concessions. Having no idea what to do with me or my tears, they trail away and tuck themselves below deck like barnacles sinking into their shells.

Belle brushes her hand over the hair that falls down my back. “I never imagined you’d be able to see his memories.”

I rest my chin on my knees and turn my head toward her. “You didn’t see any after the necklace broke?”

She shakes her head slowly. “Not one.”

Lucky.

“I don’t even know if I can look at him now,” I tell her, wrapping my arms around her neck.

She wraps me in a hug and squeezes. “You care for him.”

I’ve cared about Hudson twice in this lifetime. Once when we were children, locked in cages that shared a row of bars, forced to band together to survive. And again now. Both times were urgent and brought on by events we were pressed into and shouldn’t have had to endure. But yes. I care about what happened to him then just like I care about what happens to him now.

“You don’t have to be afraid of him,” Belle adds.

“I’m not.” I’m not afraid of Hudson. I’m afraid of losing him. Of being lost. Of not belonging when I finally found a place to fit in for a short time.

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